He kissed me,
My arms draped around his neck,
My body pressed against his
My lips giving and taking with every breath
I felt the cool evening air against my cheek
The forgiving caress of darkness
The rough press of his hand on the small of my back
And as it moved lower
I felt every muscle in my fragile body tense
I had been here before, scared, unprepared
With boys whose rough hands could not detect
The subtle tensing of innocent skin
Whose desires always surpassed my fears in their minds
And then my own
With boys who were taught that girls only said no to tease
Perhaps because the needs of a girl are somehow inferior to those of a boy.
I had been here before, skin against skin, body against body, fears against desire,
And as the tips of my fingers began to quiver with apprehension
And I again wondered how much of a fight this boy would put up
If I said that ugly two-letter word
I felt a sudden space, this unexpected air
Separating skin from skin, body from body, fears from desire.
His hands retreated as quickly as they had advanced
And his lips that had given and taken with my every breath
Formed the words “are you okay? Is… this okay?”
Perhaps the boy had fears.
Perhaps this boy had no desire to put up a fight.
Perhaps the boy’s hands were not so rough.