We watched starry skies together. Watched the clouds drift by together.
We watched the sun slip down together all through childhood.
And that's why I now watch the water sway along on a chilled cloudy day on an old wooden pier
Alone.
Where did the breakaway start?
Where is the beginning part that screwed us to uselessness?
That such a partnership should be pried apart? The moment your eyes met mine. . .
And your gaze wasn't the same as it was before. Where did the hope go?
I can assure you it didn't fall apart in the park as we swung on swings and
Dreams and played in a sand box.
The time we were nine and I fell off the roof trying to get a Frisbee,
Because you were afraid of heights at the time.
In winter when we went sledding and you ended with a broken right arm and
I accidentally drew a master piece of "Starry Night" on your cast
And nobody else could sign it so I apologized a million times until it got better 3 months later.
A point in time when we were 5 and playing in the garden making mud pies and
Came inside to two extremely mad mothers drinking ice tea.
And laughing about it for 8 straight minutes when our dads came home.
The moments when we were twelve when we made homemade fireworks
That almost caught the neighbor’s tree on fire.
The times in the backyard playing knights and princesses and looking for snails.
Times of drinking WAY to much eggnog and waiting for Santa to come and
After a while becoming dazed under a twinkling Christmas tree.
Hours of lying on the roof lighting matches watching the smoke curl up with the night sky.
In days in the park kicking a soccer ball.
And sleeping on opposite sides of a shady tree in the middle of the summer.
When all the boys made fun of me and you beat the tar out of them
Knowing you would get suspended for a week.
And me welcoming you with open arms and teaching you the homework you missed.
Baking ants with a magnifying glass and flooding the ant hill with a hose.
Saving worms after the rain before the birds came.
Spaces when late night bedtimes were a surprise rather than a habit.
Places of drinking chocolate milk on Sundays if we were good at church.
Piling up brown leaves just so we could jump in them
And do it over again until the sun fell down too.
The hope didn't dwindle the time when we were fourteen and you asked if you could kiss me
And without my answer you did it anyway as a parade of lights sliced through winter snow.
The times you rang my doorbell in your pajamas with sky blue orchids in one hand and
Golden sunflowers in the other asking which one I liked better and
After 10 seconds of deciding you gave both to me so I didn't have to choose.
How you spent every last dime from working at a burger
Joint so you could by me popcorn, a drink and take me out to the movies.
Love may have fallen away in times when parents were fighting and divorce papers signed
And writing signatures and too many judges.
Times when I held your hand so tight it almost turned violent.
Nights of anger muddled through shouts and slaps and
Too many apologies at the same time.
When we didn't get enough sleep because of finals.
Sharp thin slices of dreams fell away in times of peace
When we were planning weddings and babies that were to come years away.
Days of nonstop cuddling, when we took things too fast and
I didn't want to disappoint you even if you said you didn't care.
When we stopped talking face to face and started describing secret situations on Facebook
And tweets about locked away feelings.
Texts about what was said on tumblr. And too much instagram and snap chat.
When we had the caps lock on.
When we stopped using the telephone made out of two cans and a 35 foot line of string.
When the line was beaten by the weather and crumbled and split down the middle back to
Two different houses, two different situations, two different lives.
When we didn't bother to clean it up and let it just hang there.
That it still sits out on our window sills.
That's when the end began.
That's why I threw a promise ring that you gave me when we were fifteen
Saying that you would love me forever into Lake Superior
That sways a few inches beneath my feet.
That's why I sit glazing up at the gray sky lighting matches hoping
You will come and sit next to me watching the sky cry
Like the time I fell off my bike and didn't have a band aid.
Talking like we did when we were little, back when everything was fine and dandy
And we didn't have to lie about a post on a Facebook wall.
Telling stories like when we sold lemonade for a nickel
To buy two yellow swords from a convenient store
And the time we sat in the grass looking up at blue sky trying to fry an egg on the street. . .