“No sneakers,” the voice taunts, and I laugh,
buying tennis shoes will now be my latest craft.
“Dark lipstick is a no,”
Say anything about my lipstick and I’ll go.
“You’re being too revealing with skinny jeans,”
you overestimate how much your opinion means.
“Who are you kidding with those talons you call nails?”
You see, I use them as a weapon against judgemental males.
“Peplums are weird, what are they even for?”
Talk bad about peplums one more time, and I’ll show you the door.
“Yoga pants make you seem so lazy though,”
Does how much I don’t care show?
“A beanie? Really? I hate that hat,”
I can easily replace you with a cat.
“Wedge sneakers are such an eye sore,”
Don’t give me a reason to get more.
“I wish that floppy hat trend would die,”
If I never took mine off, do you think you’d cry?
“Open-sided shirts, give me a break,”
One in your neck is the one I’d like to make.
“Heavy eye makeup is way too dark,”
Perhaps you can move out and become a hobo in the park.
“Bandeau tops show off too much,”
Yeah it’s all the skin you’ll never touch.
“What’s up with those shoes with the pointy toes?”
Let’s see how far up your butt this pointy shoe goes.
“High-waisted pants are a ‘no’ from me,”
Sounds like what you’ll be screaming when I dislocate your knee.
Wearing all these trends that guys hate,
I won’t lie, makes me feel pretty great.