First comes denial.

It wasn’t even remotely shocking,
It was

inevitable.
But that didn’t change the fact that it was
crushing.

I lost a part of who I was.
An envelope without its letter inside,
my heart no longer served a purpose.
My innocence, my optimism that they could work it out

obliterated.

There’s no good time for it,
but there are the worst possible times.

I was forced to
contort
my menacing glare into a
false smile

but I couldn’t bury the fury within my eyes.
Timid footsteps
evolve into raging stomps.
But the wound is never going to close.

It’s hard to relive it
yet it’s inescapable,
memories are all I have,
memories that are impossible to revive.
People say it will be okay.

It won’t be okay.

You’ll make it through it,

But they don’t get it-
I won’t ever be okay.

The anger surfaces
like water boiling, softer at first but then with greater intensity,
the darkness consumes me.

There will always be a tear in my heart
that can never be mended.

But I don’t want it to be fixed,

I don’t want to be okay.

I want that lingering sadness
to make the joyous times
radiate with meaning.

I was…

I still am

broken.
But broken doesn’t necessarily mean obsolete.