a few nights ago, on a journey home from a friend’s country house in my sister’s car, O spectacle haystack confusion of needle-air snow (snow with yesterday I noted as large flakes, my favorite), licking skin and giggling at our expense, it’s laughter fogging our windows; O! how it made us drive 15 in a 45, morphing my coated arm into an interior wiper in dire battle, the snow’s madness making me see cathedrals and black rabbits in my own madness, rolling snow hills, flickering radio … I love you hon… ississippi queen, if you… get what I mean?, gleaming orange lights spotted on a descent, in distance hallucinatory flame, of snow’s young boy bloodsuck illusionary fire army, scaldingly inviting; but, I, I just wiped and gawked bundled up like a doting mother’s tot, feeling like a foam-padded egg, and snow continued to fall

till yesterday come and I tangled up in words, expression in the never-lessening snow, till nighttime wrote light rhyme (slight crime) of bright lines, cleverness a questionable substitute for serious things; I guffaw; foolishly I tell the world about its own self, but I like my jester’s cap

clown frown now up not down, but weighty ways in younger days playing games –doubting- stating my fear of waste, wasting anyways, but no no no I don’t know know so so so snow snow snow fell over time, telling my fear’s silliness

paranoid boy saw structure crushing him, crushing his identity and phlegmatic poetry, crushing all the pretty plants and priests, buildings extensions of ego, evil ego!, mean man’s machinery, pushing little girls and boys, unfair uncaring undaring (I’ve heard him called Moloch), masculine muscly murderous Moloch, clocks his bowels, calendars and traffic laws his liver; created by man, who read the first golden rule not realizing the second golden rule was that the first was a lie, and I, hater of doctrine and hate, doctrinized my own anti-structure anti-malice potion, which no one drank, and I grew sick of, preaching simplicity in a complicated way, really just like everyone else so sad and afraid

don’t worry, be happy!

a thought funny to me came before, me was thinkin’ bout’ a man having the worst day of his life, then entering his dark cold living room to pass a motion sensor automated fish that sings that very song, so heavy he was, it’s silliness so much, such absurd contrast it rattles his foundation and he laughs, laughs, laughs

we need to be silly and small and stupid and slack-jawed and sexy and sassy and short-sighted and sappy, sentimental, sad and slimy as snakes slithering through this snow, snow, snow, which my mind keeps coming back to, which we strange human’s try to catch in our palms (so it melts), or let hit the ground (and be shoveled aside), like our dreams, desire, dramas, dearests, days all dropping across the land as we drive by, those flakes heavy as hell: Alcatraz death ego obsessive cruel Moloch economic greedy self-centered ignorant unfocused flimsy clumsy stinging confusing scary sad-making rigid supremacist constitutionalized ancient sky-rust social-scene freezing falling fighting fainting illusionary angry violent pathetic colorless concrete possessive dishonest grand-oppressing life-suppressing snow, which we despise and are weighted by, but melts quick sometimes making us curse as it goes, for igloo ego does keep warm, but ye! spring also be warm, under snow grass of Whitman’s Christ mind, grass and leaves heaving chests breathing love rivers hope fantasy compassion, O! Dickens, O! Dickinson’s honor, O! Twain’s Finn chewing grass, O! stain-glass minds colorized kind by Mother Theresa blind-cure sunlight!, feminine passivity faith breeding circulation expanding feeding structure-less grass; pavement cracks; verde babel-crushing energy; boundaries building ruins; grass of Nirvana- eclipsing: boastful sun and bashful moon, but, but, but, grass dies and dries and burns and yearns and kills and spills and wastes and fakes and fights and flights and howls and claws, having bowels and lungs and messy rotting core

let me speak straight: is it grass who destroys, needing to be contained in snow, or does snow crush grass to insanity?

is it the prisoners or the prison?
man wants to grow
but might over flow
man wants the snow
might make life too slow
fire warms and fire burns
earth contains and earth restrains
winds pollinate and winds lacerate
water moves life around and water drags down and drowns

ah snow swirls still on my sill and fills my head

my visions before of cathedrals and black rabbits akin to Churchill’s black dog (seasonal manic-depressive, har har)

white rabbits carry clocks and curiosity and churches

black crows don’t forget faces, change places; escapists who like open spaces
black predator

white prey
clichés of ying-yang circulate my brain

pendulum of my organic metronome more stable than before, ticking warm under these heavy thoughts melting, contemplating man, who in fear of his own cruelty attempts to control and contain with rules and restraints his voluptuous beast nature, which is balanced, but volatile (especially with stress and strain); we try to tame the trees of topsiness terror tiger-toothed intensity taking toll and time, that nature that with our virtue is entwined, and in our attempts to nullify our negative nature we unknowingly and naively insert neurosis and neediness and nooses and novel unpleasantries in our chaining, so raining, shining or snowing…
back to snow

so it goes, once the sun explodes what was once us shall turn cold, death’s icy fingers have life in their hold, but we control this snow, so:
thesis statement:

is our nature our pain, or is our nurture our pain, how are they different?, how are they the same?, ‘cause nature so crazy makes you do what you do, bird flies towards the sun thinkin’ he’s gettin’ sumthin’ good, tiger hunts tiger ‘cause his mind told to; and true story:

In Brazilian rainforests lives the carpenter ant genus Camponotus leonardi, which live in taller areas of hollow trees. There is a fungus Ophiocordyceps unilateralis (or O. unilateralis) which preys on these particular ants (though it does prey on similar ant species, its success is far less) ; once an ant is infected an incredibly fascinating phenomenon occurs, wherein O. unilateralis spores enter the body through consumption, then proceeds to spread to the brain, altering the ant’s behavior. It then causes the ant to find a leaf more conducive (more humid, more light) to fungus’s growth, and finally kills the ant, releasing spores planted in the ants newly reinforced exoskeleton. The process of full bloom takes 4 to 10 days. It is speculated by some scientists that if it were not for O. unilateralis, Camponotus leonardi might overpopulate.

not much of a rhyme scheme but it says a lot, predatory posseive practices prevents overpopulation, Great God! it’s confusing this world cold and hot, but my dear co-passenger’s it’s all we’ve got, this strange swirling shifting salty snowy sensual scary slave-making pot

and I’m having a helluva wonderful time

Hopi’s say don’t take any of this life too serious, it unbalances us

water is the pivot point of life, but turns to snow and freezes us in its/our rigid ideals, so anything this ridiculous and pretty is too wonderfully silly to ever get too heavy
water’s always pure
let it snow