Sometimes, I think it’s hard for me to understand my place in faith. I always feel like my words sound preachy or cold, and I don’t like either of those.

I think the only way to understand relationship with God is that it’s not a rulebook, it’s a discussion, a conversation, a process.
It’s misconceptualized that to be a Christian, your life has to be groomed. But in reality, you will never be perfectly consistent with your beliefs- you will always be insecure, always have doubts, never have all the answers, never feel like you’re praying the right way.
And that’s okay, if you let it be.

I find comfort in the sacred nature of church, but sometimes I feel like I’m in a room with hundreds of other people who don’t care at all.
And that on the path to personal salvation, phoning in words you don’t understand won’t make the fact that that god is good mean anything.
It is hard for me to believe that a man who is supposed to love me boundlessly could ever think of me less if i don’t always say a hail mary to find peace and deliverance.

it’s hard because i find myself only praying when i’m desperate sometimes- like God is some get out of jail free card that I can save and cash in when everything under me crumbles like pebbled rocks or dead skin.

I am religious in the sense that I think that God is here, with me right now, and that my God drinks his coffee black because his lips are like sugar, blessed even.

I’ve found Eden in strange places, things that aren’t always aesthetically pleasing and they don’t always smell like incense and communion wafers. but when i do find the solace, it feels like something has painted me with an impermeable shield of gold, like the all consuming piety i felt couldn’t be touched or dismantled by human hands like everything else.

the big bang isn’t as easy to fall asleep with as heaven is, it’s a lot easier to believe that there is a person in the sky that cares for me personally instead of thinking that my life is transient and unloved.

I try not to laugh at God, but sometimes I find myself speaking so vulgar of a being that loves so infinitely I can’t even wrap my head around,
but like it’s said- nobody is laughing at God in a hospital, nobody laughs at God in a war.

It sounds sacrilegious, but sometimes drinking the wine and burning the palms is unimportant. but my church has no steeple, just love and understanding, and the prophetic power that i felt when i found who my god was.