The Desperate Existentialist | Teen Ink

The Desperate Existentialist

January 27, 2014
By PrincessCollins BRONZE, Fair Oaks, California
PrincessCollins BRONZE, Fair Oaks, California
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

If you wanted to know
Who Liam Collins is,
To whom would you go?
You could ask all my friends and teachers,
And I’m sure they would all agree
What a wonderful, bright boy I am,
But for the real dirt, you should come to me.
Because, despite my inherent bias,
There’s nothing like firsthand experience.

Looking in the mirror,
I see a desperate existentialist.
Someone who is trying
With all his heart to exist
As a unique individual,
Just as himself,
But he doesn't know
Where he goes on the shelf.
Does he belong with the misfit toys,
All the broken defects?
Or with the brainwashed minions,
Screaming for drugs, money, and sex?

I suppose, if all this
Is a bit too intense for you,
You could say I’m one of those ‘guys’.
To many, I’m the tall guy.
(A superficial definition,
But one that gets them by)
Some would say I’m the smart guy,
And that my brains define me.
But that’s a lot of pressure,
And something to which I didn't agree.
Or I could be the sweet guy,
Someone with lots of heart.
But when it comes to most people,
I don’t know where to start.

I’m really just making it up as I go,
And letting people remember me
By what they think they know

I don’t want to put race in here
For fear that people might think
That I care about what race a person is
Or that I think people are defined
By the color of their skin.
But I suppose it’s too late for that now.
Being white does change who I am,
But that’s a product of how the world treats me,
And isn't of my own design

But in the end I'm nobody.
I’m just a guy waiting to become himself.


The author's comments:
This poem is inspired by Langston Hughes' poem, Theme for English B

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