When the days are cold
I gasp, wheezing for air as I finish my sprint dead middle. Again. Of the jv group. Not even the varsity. Not good enough for that. Always the middle if not the back.

And the cards all fold
78
7
80
78

And the saints we see are all made of gold
"Wow this is so cool you're amazing!" They say to him
"I hate this class so much" he whispers. "I'm gonna quit next year".
"This is wrong, this is wrong, I can tell from back here this is wrong"
"Oh," I say. "I actually really like it."
And the thing is, Im not lying.

When your dreams all fail
"Why aren't you working harder?"
"You're constantly distracted"
"You're not excelling at anything right now"
"You need a hook for college but you don't have one"
"You're not focused on one thing, you just have scattered attention on everything"

And the ones we hail are the worst of all
"Mom look I got an A!"
"Really?"
"Yeah i got a 93!"
"That's an A?"

"You're still in honors!"
What does that mean. To be in honors. I'm at a higher level, but slowly sinking to the bottom. I work really hard on one assignment, and have it deemed average at best. Is that what it means to be in honors? Well woohoo. I'm in honors.

Don't get too close. It's dark inside.
What am I good at
What is the point
College will be better
When I get there
If I get there
If I get in
When I get there


"You ok?" They write, 'concerned'.
"Yeah it's just-"
"Wow look at this!"
"Oh yeah that's great!"
"Sorry what were you gonna say?"
"It's nothing," I type "it's ok".

It's not ok.