I need to say something
I need to do something
I can’t keep living and going on this way
It’s heart against heart; it’s me against me
It’s hope against despair and axe against tree
And whoever wins, I still lose
But one loss isn’t the same as the next
With one loss I move on
And the other brings me death
But which is worse? I can’t tell
It seems like there’s hope ahead but I don’t know
Every time I come close something holds be back
It drags me down, an ignoble crown; it buries me far underneath the ground
It’s a weight on my shoulders, a load on my back
It chains me to my own little hell
A place of torture, one of despair
Filled with anguish, but whenever I dare
To hope and feel; to see and hear
I get brought low by my own lowly fear
To face it is death
For it destroys my world
Filled with sorrow and pain, but mine I say
To be free from it is to die, in a way
But dying in any way is still death all the same
But I die every day when I can’t say
What I want to say, what I need to say
Every breath I waste not saying
Brings me a whole new death
To experience again yet somehow fresh
New levels of agony and gloom
Fill my life and bring my doom
When I don’t say I feel regret
When I don’t say I feel my death
If I don’t do something I’ll surely die
But even thinking about it makes me cry
I keep asking myself about how and why
It came to this, by the roll of a die
Why me? I ask no one in particular
Not expecting an answer I still feel neglected
But I know the answer; I just can’t say it
And that’s why deep down inside
In places in my mind I only go to cry
Where my darkest secret lies
Darker than the one I can’t admit
Beyond even its own remit
The simple truth, the simple lie
I hate myself, can’t you see why?