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In the Night
In the night
when all seems well
to the rest of you,
I stay awake.
I panic.
I cry.
Trembling, shaking,
blood pulsing,
tears beneath my eyes.
This nasty feeling in my veins;
Boiling in my blood.
Thump, thump.
Monsters float
from underneath the bed,
the Boogeyman. He's coming for you.
The devil appears
smirking; The shaytan.
And guess what? He's staring right at you.
A slender man hides away
in the corner,
in the shadows;
He's watching you.
Falling, falling.
Out of control.
Withering away
into nothing
No, I'm not.
A journey into madness
is all this night will bring.
That, and flashes of black imagery,
in this black black night.
To the rest of you, however,
a peaceful night's sleep.
Black Sleep.
I wish it were me
who could close my eyes
and drift away.
Away, away, away.
Pretending that all is well,
in this dark and gloomy
night.
That is not the case.
Tonight I will roam the hallways.
Mad Hatter
Yes. I am.
With no one to tell,
not even a peep,
They wouldn't understand.
"Away with you, crazy!"
they'd scream.
And I would laugh.
Or cry, silent tears.
Cause what am I to do?
Trembling, shaking,
blood pulsing,
tears beneath my eyes.
This nasty feeling in my veins;
Boiling in my blood.
Thump, thump.
There it is again.
Thump, thump.
Unsureness. Yes, it is.
There it goes again...
I am waiting.
Waiting, waiting, waiting
for something that may never come
Waiting for sleep to creep upon me,
and encase me with its love.
Eventually, the light will come.
Alhamdulillah.
My guardian angel that damn sun is.
The saving grace
that will bring me back to life,
and pull me away from this blackness
that comes deep
in the night.
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Each stanza has its own deeper meaning to my life's memories but those are not necessary for the reader to know to empathize with me.
For instance, I have included two phrases from the Muslim faith; "shaytan" referencing the devil and the sinful ones (demons) and "alhamdulillah"; the literal Arabic translation being "praise to God" or in my words, simply thank you. I am a Bosnian of the Muslim faith so I hoped to include that into this piece to make it personal for me.
OTHER REVELATIONS:
-The expression "away, away, away" deals with my secret desire to return to my homeland, Bosnia, and leave America.
-As silly as it sounds, I have also incorporated my slight obsession with Harry Potter by using the phrase "all is well" and "all seems well". A famous quote from Harry Potter is "all was well." Only fans would understand.
- I used cliches like monsters under the bed, the Boogeyman, and "dark and gloomy night" perhaps to emphasize the fact that it is all in my head and ridiculous for someone my age to be seeing things in the dark like a child.
- the repetition seen in stanza 2 and stanza 11 represents the feeling anxiety brings and was my attempt to spotlight the fact that anxiety is persistent and constantly awake. The "thump, thump" would be the pounding of my heart.
-Also, the final piece of information I will give you deals with Sylvia Plath. I do not wish to reveal the complete and true depth of this poem as that is for me (and would take much too long (: ). As for Sylvia Plath, we are reading her famous novel, "The Bell Jar" which is quite literally her "journey into madness" as I have stated. The novel truly inspired me to start writing this late last night. That, and her poem "Daddy".
However, unlike Sylvia, I do not wish to kill myself or anything of that nature. Anxiety sucks, but I can deal with it and I have grown strong now.
The lines "No, I'm not." with reference to withering away means no I do not want to kill myself, but then I say "Yes. I am." (a Mad Hatter) revealing that I understand I've gone a little crazy and I'm okay with it. So crazy? Yes, slightly. But suicidal like Sylvia? NO WAY. I didn't want to mention Sylvia Plath with this poem because I could see people gaining misconceptions about the meaning if I did since she is quite famous for her suicide (and fabulous writing of course). Like I said, the poem is about my anxiety and the sadness it brings and the hopelessness you begin to feel going through the initial stages.
- Also, I used the phrase "black sleep" which I pulled from "The Bell Jar" as I liked how it sounded and what it meant.
-That's all I will reveal for now :)
Thank you for the opportunity!
-Hopefully this explanation makes sense because I just slurred the thoughts in my head really quickly and typed as I went (that's why it probably sounds scatter-brained).