Wringing my hands back and forth
Waiting
Pacing around the room
My feet are magnets to the next step I take
Robotic
Waiting
You're not good enough
You won't make it
Waiting
Atmosphere crackling with
Clenched jaws and
Grinding teeth
Waiting
Room like a freezer, annoyingly plastic floor
Desolate chairs because
Nobody sits there
Waiting
Empty stares
Shy, hopeful glances
Superior smirks
Waiting

The lady comes out of the room
Shuts the fake-wood door behind her
Sheet of paper in hand
To us, in this moment, she's God
The sight of her turns the room into a gray sun
Dreading the hope
Because your hope could turn to dread
Who made it?

A quick glance at the paper tells all
There is smiling and cheering
Joy from ear to ear
There are truthful diamond tears
Rivers of once-perfect makeup streaming down faces
And pain shoved into a mask of congratulations

I am the last to walk up and crane my neck
Because as much as I hate waiting
I revile knowing even more

Knowing is a friend that will stab you quick
With a red-silver blade
And twist until the hope leaks out of your heart

Knowing is an electric shock
Sizzling until your smiling lips
Slump into a blackened frown

Knowing is seeing the list
Where is my name?
It seems that a game of hide-and-seek
Leaves it nowhere to be found

Knowing is biting back a sandstorm
And choking it down
Every last grain
Until your throat goes numb