sitting in the sand,
it had been the perfect day.
i do apologize that you all had to be here
but i wanted to spend the day with those i love.
it’s starting to get dark now.
i sit there, leaning against him, drawing in the sand,
laughing with the others.
soon they’ll ask how they didn’t see it.
he’ll definitely wonder why he didn't know.
he’ll scream at nothing, cursing himself for not stopping me.
i wish there was a way to keep this from hurting all of you,
i really do.
in this moment, i’m not sure why,
but i feel everything down to the bone.
he’s sliding his fingers over my arms,
gently sweeping along my legs like he does to comfort me.
does he know?
does he notice my sudden silence?
doubtful.
he just thinks i’m sleepy.
it’s now dark, the sun has set.
it’s my turn to settle.
i kiss you softly and say im going to go rinse off.
i walk to the water.
i feel the salty breeze as my toes tease the edge of the crashing waves.
i walk slowly, my skin tightens from the crisp water.
i force my head to stay ahead of me in order to not look back at anyone.
as i get deep enough,
i dive.
i swim through the water as if i’m a mermaid.
i let the thoughts race through my head as i gasp for air and
breathe nothing but salt water into my lungs.
the panic fades to acceptance as my body relaxes.
it’s over now,
no one can hurt me anymore,
not even myself.