Did you know me before I was the way I now am?
Do you remember my smiles you’d always condemn?
All i remember is the pain and the tears I would cry
And I guess one day I just decided not to try
They’d force me to stay quite so I’d keep silent my shout.
But then I just screamed. because I gave out.
Because I gave in. I let my mind go
I let my thoughts float. I guess I’d just reached a new low.
But you know I cant bring myself to feel any regret.
Because The feeling I felt I will never forget
Ah, the high was the most amazing I’d felt
It was like all of my problems were already being dealt
The world was far faded and my dreams were all smudged
My heart was just racing as my grades plunged
But it was okay as soon as I swallowed more pills
And as soon as I’d smoke I was climbing bright hills
I cant even explain how amazing it all is
It almost felt like I had a new heart- Almost felt like I had his.
But, no matter what I did, his heart wasn’t there
But, whenever I got faded, his hate seemed just as fair
But maybe I should’ve been more concentrated on prayer
Because when my family fell apart and my mother got hurt
I was much too high to feel any alert
and when those tears from my sisters quickly began to drop
My pulse was racing and begging me not to stop
So I continued to swallow, inhale, and to smoke
I continued to do so until finally I just broke
I was lost in my world of confusion
Over ruled by addiction
But, I was forcing myself to be strong
Then, I just smoked one more time. I said “I haven’t in so long”
But, that’s where I f***ed up because once more wasn’t enough
I found myself constantly craving the feeling- to puff
At night I would shake, all day I would drag
When I’d sleep I’d awake, my eyes lids would sag
But, when I was high I would forgive all the wrong others had done
Being high was what all of my friends would call “fun”
Even today I still wish that I would have avoided it all
Because If I would have maybe all those tears wouldn’t fall
Maybe I could’ve helped my family not break
Maybe I could’ve made my dad never forsake
Maybe I wouldn’t have met him, therefore my heart wouldn’t feel pain
Maybe I wouldn’t have ever thought I might be insane
But no matter how much I wished I would’ve said no
I didn’t, and therefore I can’t ever let go