Swat my Memories; Not me | TeenInk

Swat my Memories; Not me

October 1, 2013
By Kris_10 GOLD, North Scituate, Rhode Island
Kris_10 GOLD, North Scituate, Rhode Island
10 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles... The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." -Theodore Roosevelt


If I come and cower and your doorstep
Do not hesitate to let me in
I have come to you for protection
From a torturous background of sin

The thunderous calls; they surround me
Pushing me way off my course
The bellowing cries; they remind me
That my mistakes and I can’t divorce

My ears have not heard but a sentence
My feet have not walked but a mile
But my eyes, oh they built the pacific
Yet I walk on; in fear; in denial



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This article has 3 comments.


Mckay ELITE said...
on Nov. 12 2013 at 5:37 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

One minor thing first: Any time, you want to use punctuation, my advice, use punctuation throughout the enitre poem; if not, don't use it at all. It can be hard to read at times. Nonetheless, I enjoy the feeling of distress and anxiety you create. I can feel them like a heavy, slate cloud hanging overhead, waiting to spill its contents over me. Nicely done. 

Kris_10 GOLD said...
on Oct. 29 2013 at 1:52 pm
Kris_10 GOLD, North Scituate, Rhode Island
10 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles... The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." -Theodore Roosevelt

thanks!   

on Oct. 18 2013 at 7:31 pm
Calliashi SILVER, Litchfield Park, Arizona
6 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The man with the key is king and honey, you should see me in a crown. ~James Moriarty

I enjoyed this. There was a typo in the first line as it should be "at" rather than "and". The poem was a nice read, short and sweet; it got the point across. Might I suggest using some figurative language likesimiles or alliterations or the like? It helps the poem flow and gives the reader a more Iimaginative image. Just a thought. I still really enjoyed reading this :)