Happiness was always a goal,

a promise, a desire.

But as I find myself

steps away from the golden light,

I find it might not be

just what it was made

out to be for all those

years.

It is now a challenge,

an obstacle, that must be learned—

dominated, observed.

I do not want happiness anymore,

but to overcome it,

surpass it,

I want so much more

I want joy, with jovial laughter

and desire— a burning passion.

I want morality, justice,

sadness, defeat and all

of the range of emotions

known to mankind

I want to feel the losses

the gains,

the strange

and the normality.

I want them all,

but it seems my brain

can not

endure.