Biting back an agonized cry
and swallowing nausea that slithers up my throat
Legs that tremble like dampened trees that bow their sorry heads
Carry me to where you lay
Inhaling air bogged down with winter’s remorse
My quenched eyes meet your mother’s
Her fist, gripping a balled up tissue, brushes my fingers as I trudge past
But my smile refuses to come out of hiding, even for her

Friends you spent your last moments with, the minister you never believed in
Let their eyes travel up front, attaching to my stone expression like Velcro
My quaking knees give out as I kneel over you
Weary eyes finally resting, you lay defenseless
as innocence embraces your weakened form

My hands pick up yours from your chest,
squeezing as tightly as I would to destroy you
But you have already been destroyed.
Hot tears race down my cheeks as I bury my face in your chest
“Don’t be afraid to be sad,” you always said
And I finally pick now to take that advice.