The older boy looked up at me with glistening eyes

C’mon just do it, he pleaded with me

I saw the excitement flash upon his face

As the hesitation that acted as a barrier

No longer stood before me


He placed a colored, glass object

Into the possession of my trembling hands

Heart skipping beats

Warm breath emanating from my rather dry mouth

Though it was only a little above freezing

It felt stuffy and it felt warm

As I sat in the dark green lawn chair

In his dim garage


Ten minutes

Was the same as ten hours

I could feel myself distancing from reality

Pounding

Flashes of light

Voices drifting into one ear

And quickly leaving the other





I could hear laughter

She’s so high, a younger boy spoke

He took another hit

Smoke veiled his face

He rubbed his hands together

At what seemed to be a lightening pace


I couldn’t form a coherent sentence

To describe the throbbing of my head

Or the rumbling within my stomach


I remember climbing down the ladder

My fingers tightly gripped around the side rails

As if my life depended on it

Retrospectively, it probably did

For it was a far fall to the concrete ground


I remember Kelly laughing

While I stumbled about in the alley

I laughed a little, too

Perhaps too mask the growing fear inside of me

That maybe something was wrong





Is this a normal reaction? I asked her

You’re just really high, she urged

Am I gonna die?

An annoyed look came across her face

Her bloodshot eyes widened

With vivid detail

I could see every vein in the whites of her eyes

You’re just really stoned, she turned away


Parts of my face tinted with black

As salty tears mixed with mascara ran down my cheeks

I had never been so scared before

I didn’t understand what was happening to me


There Kelly and I sat

In a run down diner

On Clark Street

I sucked down two chocolate milk shakes

As Kelly rested her head on the table











The next thing I knew

I was sitting in the front seat of my father’s car

Shaking with fear

While paranoia took over my mind


I cried

And I made noises

But no tear and no noise could express

The utter panic that consumed me


I was reprimanded

Words going in and out

But making no solid connections


I looked into the toilet bowl

My reflection looked back at me

The two chocolate milkshakes

Violently roaming about in my stomach


I think I’m going to die, I told my parents

My mother stood cross-armed

A blank stare of disbelief across her face

Looking straight into my watery eyes






Go to your room, she demanded


Walking to my room

On the tan and fluffy carpet

I mistook it for clouds


I lied down in my bed

And shook at a feverish pace


I curled up in a warm, soft blanket

And fell asleep

Forgetting about all that had happened

That chilly spring night

And the unknown substance that I smoked

Which sat so delicately

In a nook of a colored, glass object.