The Only Way to Feel Alive (Redux) | Teen Ink

The Only Way to Feel Alive (Redux)

August 27, 2013
By Trace.C.Schuelke PLATINUM, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Trace.C.Schuelke PLATINUM, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
26 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Secrets are secrets for a reason, and some do not wish to see them uncovered. Especially when the secrets are particularly unseemly..."

I write because it’s my only voice.
My way to not be the quiet kid, sitting alone in lowly corners, longing to speak.
I write to scream, and shout my opinion in loose-leaf scribblings,
Raising riots in graphite uproars.
I write to be a voice for the voiceless, and a breath when I’m breathless.

I write to talk to the girl beside me, since lips quiver, and insecurity overtakes,
And the thought that my sweet nothings could somehow hit home in her heartstrings
Is more than enough fuel for the literary bonfire.
I write to break barriers of conscious pretending.
I write because it’s unending.
Because it’s the only infinite,
And all pits have bottoms,
And all voids have edges,
But words remain forever unchained, flying free in open skies
Where caskets of conformity hold no power.

I write to swim, and sink, and submerge, and drown.
To engulf myself in infernos, and waste away days in imagined forests.
To explore celestial cosmos and emotional oceans.
To fully coincide the world surrounding with the tip of my pencil.

I write to stop breathing.
To rush blood to my head and feel euphoria’s left wanting.
To still shakes in shattered nerves, never at ease.
To please urges and mimic kingdoms.
To understand, just once, what it feels like to feel.

I write to turn teardrops to roses.
To morph scars to smiles.
To keep crimson flowing and sight magnified.
To fill holes in hearts and divides in the mind.
I write to make a difference,
If only in just one set of eyes.

I write because children are born and worlds are made when pen hits paper.
Because the story is never the same,
And galaxies are spawned from creative depths.
I write because of how succulent a metaphor can taste,
Or how softly a subtle rhyme can caress heartstrings and tap synapses.
I write to send shivers through bones and sidewind through souls,
Slaloming in serpentine patterns.

I write because people think big words sound smart.
Because eloquence impresses in the absence of knowledge,
And people remember the person who speaks like an articulate angel.
I write because it’s elemental.
Because a nitride overload smolders long after the message was read,
And silver tongues can tether golden hearts and lock platinum bonds.

I write to drop bombs, and rebuild from Nagasaki chasms,
And where the fallout ashens of radioactive ideas rain and settle,
New mutations birthed from the nuclear boom of thought will find their way to the page.
I write in remembrance of the earlier days.
Before the mental bombs cascaded from a single idea,
And doused my planes of thought with creative craters.
And now, as I stand in the aftermath,
Surrounded by thousands of newly-generated, half-mutated notions,
All I can think is how happy I am to have pressed the detonator.

I write to dust off mental fossils, long since forgotten.
I write to dig shallow graves, and bury myself alive.
To incarcerate my fears and set aside my worries.
To see beyond fallow landscapes left untilled.
I write without knowing what to write,
And simply let my mind spill,
Spattering the page in drenched dreams.

I write knowing it will never be perfect.
I write knowing I’m not perfect,
Wishing in silent desperation my words can somehow change
Or take away all the loathing and hatred for myself,
Despite the voice pounding in my brain, always chanting
“You can’t.”
I write because I can.

I write to reassure.
To see that even beauty can be birthed in something broken.
To stare reflections dead in aching eyes, and paint smiles over frowns.
To not feel so down, and ascend on stenciled wings I’ve etched for myself.

But above all?
Above anything else?

I write because if I don’t,
My veins frost and decay,
And my heart ceases to beat.
My lungs drain of air,
And skin just drip
Drips away.
Without my words, I become nothing,
And using them is my only way to survive.
So why do I write?
Because it’s my only way
To feel alive.

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This article has 9 comments.

on Jan. 23 2016 at 10:20 pm
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

I... wow. I didn't think this poem could get any better, and yet somehow it did! I really like the style this is in, and it's generally just wonderful.

on Oct. 11 2014 at 9:32 am
TravelerenRoute GOLD, Ribera, New Mexico
13 articles 1 photo 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson

This is a good poem, although it is sad. I really like most of your work.

Sail_ BRONZE said...
on Mar. 12 2014 at 4:59 pm
Sail_ BRONZE, Eugene, Oregon
3 articles 10 photos 196 comments
Oh, my goodness, Trace! This was so amazing and it gave me chills! I don't know how you can be so amazing with your words, but you truly are and I love it! ^_^

on Dec. 17 2013 at 11:25 pm
Outcast4God PLATINUM, Farmersville, Texas
33 articles 2 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars you have set in place-- what mortals that you should think of us. Mere humans that you should care for us.
---Psalms 8:3-4

This is great! True talent.

on Sep. 24 2013 at 8:18 am
BurrThistle GOLD, Jaipur, Other
10 articles 0 photos 161 comments

Favorite Quote:
Write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect

I think whatever i wanted to say has been covered by everyone else. But i'l just repeat it - Man, you got some talent. So simple yet so beautiful. 

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Sep. 14 2013 at 9:42 pm
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

Okay, so I'll just start off with one word that is an understatment for this extraordinary poem: Wow. This will be my new motto that I will think about everyday. This is our purpose as poets, as writers. We dont write just because; we write just because are hearts lead us there. Your so talented and deserve so much recognition--- Your one of my favorite authors on Teenink now. Please, write more and do the world a favor. Because if the truth rings through words, then this poem would be groups of church bells. Well done! :D

Mckay ELITE said...
on Sep. 6 2013 at 3:24 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

This is my new anthem for writing. It just says it all. Why...why...why...why we all write...well some of us that is. Every detail you use, minute or grandiose says exactly why we write. This is a powerful that well deserve the Editors' Choice. Congrats. You're a very talented writer. Now, I know why so many people say you're great. (Good to know there are talented male writers here. XD) Keep writing. This is out-standing. I wish I could say more but I'm at lost with words with admiration. 

on Sep. 2 2013 at 8:20 am
Shards_of_my_soul GOLD, BHUBANESWAR, Other
17 articles 15 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you certainly don't deserve at my best!

it is the events that shape our lives,
but it is the choices we make that define us...

life is not about finding yourself,
life is about creating yourself


on Sep. 1 2013 at 7:01 pm
Evyfan111 DIAMOND, Castle Pines North, Colorado
64 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Writing eases my suffering. It's my soul's medicine. I write when I hurt. I write what I fear. Writing is my form of personal freedom. I write to save myself. I write to survive as an individual."
~Amor Magner

This is beautiful and exactly the same for me. I wish I could describe it as eloquently as you did though! :)