I've been trying to hide, from these monstrous things,
That I think or that I do
I've been having these dreams, dreams of destruction, of hopeless despair,
It's hard to hide from my mind, the vastness that defines me,
When I can't find any walls that will suit,
All the walls are made of glass, offering little protection, little privacy,
All the walls are ready to crumble,
Each tiny shattered shard holds a bit of memory, a bit of power over my fears,
Each shard holds the secret to me, in essence my definition,
When the glass wall shatters, and my defenses are gone, I will cease,
Hopefully coming back only as a happier me, in happier days,
But as of now, the guilt eats away; my flesh is rotting and falling away,
Why I ask does everything leave me, even my own sacred flesh is leaving,
Even my mind leaves for bits of time, when I need it most I will find myself dreaming,
Like the precipice of time, when we realize its limitations, I am in peril as well,
Time is everlasting, though we are not, I am no exception,
Time is always moving on, and we are powerless to stop it,
Sometimes though I wish I could go back and change it,
All of the suffering, all of the built up hate, lost love, and over all pain,
All of the time I spent feeling enslaved,
All of the time I spent trying to find divinity, and coming up with nothing,
I was consumed by hate for a while, only to attempt finding love, once I left,
And returning again to hate and pain,
Pain the depression, the tremors throughout my soul,
Hate the consumption of energies that could have been used better,
Only to instead feed the everlasting anger that is within me, just waiting to be satiated,
All the love that I have forced myself to feel, until it built its own momentum,
Only to rip out my heart when I stopped dead in my tracks,
The humor black as can be that’s always been inside of me,
Makes me feel sick to my stomach, until I vomit, a black slime known only as negativity,
All the jealousy that I've felt towards people, for their seeming happiness,
All anyone can ask for is happiness, to forget their losses and not dwell on them,
That is all I'm asking, to forget the crimes done upon me, and what I've done upon others,
So that I may start fresh once again, and be made immortal in memory,
Memory of a good person, that has tried to do well even through all the mistakes,
That is all I'm asking,
Remembrance.