At night I have trouble sleeping.
The Monsters inside me penetrate my thoughts,
And make it hard for me to bare the loneliness that I feel
When everyone is asleep.
The sad part about it
Is that I always feel this loneliness.
I could be surrounded by
Friends,
Family,
Classmates,
And still feel that empty hollow in my heart.

I don’t know why I feel this kind of Loneliness and Sorrow.
Sometimes,
I think it has to do with my past.
I had a lonely childhood.
My mother worked late nights,
My grandparents drank most of the time,
And I had to depend on myself for everything.
I had to put myself to bed.
I had to do my homework by myself.
I had to walk home or to the store by myself.

When you’re young,
You don’t notice all of your flaws,
Or that your family is a bunch of alcoholics,
Or bad things happen to good people.
But when you get just a little bit older,
It hits you like a bullet.
You begin to understand that everything that you lived through in your past,
Traumatizes you to a point where you break down just thinking about it.
And around this time,
You start to notice your body changing,
And everyone else’s around you.
Your childhood friends become bullies.
You begin to question why you don’t look like that really pretty girl in your class.
And worst of all,
This is the time when you experience what it feels like to weight a little more than the average person.
This was never a bad thing,
Until people made it out to be.

I’m older now.
I have matured.
But with age, comes difficulties,
The type of difficulties that you can’t necessarily control.
Your emotions become harder to control.
There are days when you cry and cry,
But you don’t necessarily know the reason why.
There are days where you get angry just because you drop a pencil.
This is startling.
Not being able to control how you feel
Is one of the scariest things in the World.
You look for alternatives.
Sometimes those alternative consist of using some type of blade,
Or some type of drug.
These things don’t allow you to feel the mental pain.
And it’s really sad that people would rather feel the physical pain,
And drag a blade across their skin.
Or numb the pain with sleeping pills,
Rather than asking for help.

You don’t understand a person, unless you are that person.
You don’t know the kind of monsters people hide inside themselves.
And you don’t know how bad someone can be struggling.
You don’t know that they cry themselves to sleep every night,
And you don’t know how serious someone can be suffering.

We all live, just to die.
We are suppose to make something of ourselves during that period between life and death.
Some people would just rather die.

Pay close attention.
Because you can check someones wrist,
But you will never think to check their thighs,
Stomach,
Shoulders,
Everywhere.