disheveled..just floating on the caustic surface, trying to find something to hang on to...
i see something ostentatious in the distance but my reach is too short..
as bad as i want to grab it and hold on, i can't..
suddenly something frantically crashes into my side..
i grab it, and hang on..
solitude.. not the ideal escape i was looking for, but you can't always have it the way you want..
i wait, with a tight grip, pondering the infinitesimal object way in the distance..
why can't i reach it?
hanging on for my life to something vicarious and not in my favor, yet it's saving me, so should it be?
should it be in my favor? after all, it found me..
a rude awakening..
i peevishly think..
i may never be able to reach it, and it may never find me..
then why can i see it? why is it in my sight if i can't have it to hold onto?
should i let go of this indelicate device to risk my life for this quintessential mirage in the distance?
or do i just hang on, ostracizing my thoughts, and have this be my amusement?
but that's just it... it's not amusement. it's suffering.
it's cloying pain, it's disbelief and doubtful..
never being able to grasp this epitome of greatness I've made it to be..
then again what if it's my mind deluding me like it does..
what if what i have now is what's esoterically destined for me and that's why i have it...?
does this other object even really exist or am i just portraying what i think i need?