Never shall I forget the calling from downstairs,
Bounding down the steps two at a time, in such excitement,
Not knowing what was in store for me.
Never shall I forget my mother’s tear stained face, all red and blotchy.
Never shall I forget the words that escaped from her mouth,
“He’s gone, your dad Mike is no longer with us here
on Earth. He got in a car accident…”
Each sentence slowly parted her lips, yet barely made a
single sound.
Never shall I forget how, when I heard those first few words, I felt
My heart wrenched and ached as if someone had torn it out
from within me.
My vision blurred, not wanting to view the spiraling world
that seemed to confuse my entire image of it…
I watched behind shut eyelids, with tears streaming down my
face, as the world that I once knew, the world that had
once made sense to me, came crumbling down.
Never shall I forget those restless nights with barely a single eye shut.
Never shall I forget the visions in my head of oncoming
headlights, a flash of light, then viewing nothing, but
white, while I use my other senses around me…
Glass shattering, metal being twisted and turned making the
vehicle unrecognizable, someone shouting for help, sirens
whining in the distance, the smell of blood…
Never shall I forget those thoughts, those feelings; no number
of counselor visits could ever make me understand death or
find it to be settling.

Never shall I forget five years later.
Never shall I forget the knowledge that was being poured into my brain.
Abusive? Alcoholic? These words didn’t sound like the
father I grew up with.
Never shall I forget the rage, the anger, the hatred that burned from within me.
Never shall I forget no greater want, but then for him to be
alive, so I could show him how he could never hurt me, no
matter how hard he had tried when I was an innocent baby.
So I could yell and scream at him for being such a terrible
father.
Never shall I forget the nights I regretted, from which I shed tears for him.
Never shall I forget this, but one and only, thought:
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“No matter the pain, the regret, the sorrow, the tears, the hatred…it all meant something at some point, and I know he’s looking down on me. Wishing he’d been there, wishing he’d been a better father. I’m proving to him and the entire world that surrounded him that I’m stronger than he thinks and nothing will tear me down”
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Never shall I forget…my father. God rest his soul.