(to be said as normal)

(to be said at a whisper)

(to be said in a South German dialect)

(to be said as though one’s eyes were being sucked from ones head by an ostentatiously enormous Aunt)

(to be said backwards)


(to be said diagonally)


(to be said in the dead language of Cthulu, in which I cannot write myself but am confident you can speak with gusto)





























The melon was peeling.

As the melon peeled, the man was screaming.

The man always feared this would happen.

His wife came in, back home early from piano plucking practice, her bear suit shiny








“Oh God,” she whaled (not wailed. Distinct difference.)

“It’s true,” the man cried, the melon has peeled!


The melon has peeled, and yours is next.