A deep anger
Pushed by a roaring rage
All I feel is hurt
A pain inside
One that collapses your lungs
It crushes all your bones
Only one solution comes to my mind
The white pills etched with a dosage
The pills destroyed to a fine powder
Then use that to create something stronger
Mixed with water a perfect liquid is made
It quickly flies through thin needles
My mind a pulsing buzz
Brain throbbing to resist taking more
But my monster is watching over my shoulder
Telling me I need to finish off this poison
I get by the first headache and start again
My options: swallow, snort, shoot
Snorting is good enough
But I am craving the needles
I don't care about the dangers
Another shot and I relax a little more
Poison is flowing swiftly through my veins
I am numb and feel empty
The whole purpose was to feel better
But I don't so I take the risk and shoot one more
My mind is spinning like crazy
I stand up too fast
Struggling to stay up I lean on the wall
Everything is blurry
My eyes shut and open a few times
Things are clear with colors enhanced
The rush is overpowering
The anger is still crowding my thoughts
I scream as I slide to the floor
Tears rush down my face
Screaming—
At the world for the evil it contains
At Chris for all he did to me
At my dad for his temper and harsh words
But most of all at myself
For all the problems I caused
The money I wasted
All the years I destroyed myself
I have no energy left inside
I lay on the cold floor
She comes through the front door
But I am no longer present
Her footsteps sound so distant
She yells my name
Shaking my body to get me to respond
Carrying me into the bathroom
Clothes and all into the shower
Cold water shocks my system
I lean forward and throw up
I feel so weak and I cry
Leaning back into her arms
Dried off we go to the bed
It has now been over six hours
I already feel withdrawals taking over
Shivering but burning up
Sweating but freezing
She puts a washcloth on my forehead
Acid keeps coming up from my stomach
My throat is raw from begging for more
I just want a little more
Enough to stop the pain in my body
She doesn't give in to my pleading
She just sits next to me telling me stories
Stories I didn't ever believe could be possible
Because my childhood consisted of so many evils
I keep crying silently not being able to stop
She runs her fingers through my damp hair
I fall into a hellish sleep
Full of nightmares and cravings
I wake up screaming
Trying to fight something that isn't there
She is still laying by my side
My body is filled with a rushing rage
It's crushing my hopes of better things
I have a new solution or the old one
I chose to try the new one
She is who I need to fight for
The person I need to live for
Only because she loves me
I love her in return
I am still fighting for her
Until I become strong enough to fight for myself
When I have the power to keep living