Sitting on top of the Ferris wheel I look below, gazing higher as I go, in wonder about how magical it would have been. If I didn't spend my 10 years on you. On a massive couch, reeling thoughts like a old video player. Music of Debussy, numb my mood. I wouldn't mind laying there is sweet silence on a cold windy winter, eating my ice cream away. My vanilla ice cream away. Then there it is, a song you wouldn't mind laying in the breeze on a bench with eyes closed, nothing less. Letting myself go, yes. I am actually careless today. Unlike those ten years I would fonder and control every speck, now those specks are gone. I wonder if it wrong to peak through my window, peering into yours. Just so far but so close to see your movements like a fall leaf. Its so quiet, it’s so silent, but I, I am so proud of myself. For not being the old horrible me. Running into your apartment and knocking on your door like a five year old. "What should we do today?!" "Where should we eat?!" I finally figured out the reasons behind your sighing and constant " No's". Its because I was a burden wasn't it? But that's okay. I figured it out now. It was nice while it lasted.

So as I sit, swinging my legs back and forth, Ferris Wheel burning me around. I am alone, I am silent, I even forgot to think about thinking. How well is it? How painful is it? How affective someones words can be in just split seconds. How do you know whether you want to continue the foolish hopeful possible non-effective life of loving someone that doesn't love you back? Why does it, out of all humans in the world, out of all the stupid, ugly, worthless, evil people. Why me?



Why this one sided love?