It feels like I’m engulfed in flames
All alone, burning
No one really knows what it’s like
To feel unwanted and disregarded
Like a child’s old and tattered blanket

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like
To have the perfect family
But my family is utterly perfect
Without him anywhere in it

Maybe one day he’ll sober up
And apologize for his mistakes
But I’m not waiting around
For love and happiness
That’s never going to come

Life is a tough crowd
Forty five and still growing up now
But who he is has changed
Once a loving father
Now a strung out addict
With absolutely no regard for others

He haunts my thoughts and dreams
Because I stood there and watched him
Walk away from everything he had
But I still mean every word I said to him

Forced to live in that divided house
It was eerie silence
Or a screaming match
But something kept me holding on to nothing

We walked a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I’d see it break

That line is broken
It can never be repaired
Not when a daughter is terrified of her own father

Loving him was not a mistake
It was a choice that I don’t regret
That love is gone forever
I will never truly love him ever again
You can’t love somebody who has no love for you

I might have lost my father
And I’ve suffered tremendous heartache
But something stunning and powerful
Has emerged from the rubble
It’s me firing words his way
Finally confident in myself
And proving him wrong
Has never felt so good