It’s not at all like it used to be,
In fact nothing’s the same.
I (can’t) joke around with you,
Let alone have a normal conversation.
I know that we’re “official”
But this feels like suffocation.
What happened to the chicken games?
Or the icing wars we’d have?
It’s different and strange,
How we sit without speaking.
Like we’re sickly and gross,
Like we’ve contracted the mange.
Dear God, our “us” is reeking
And still our lips refuse to speaking.
Our hands intertwine,
But this love may have a short line.
You trickle your fingers down my back
And brush the hair out of my face
But this could all just be a big waste.
I love your smell, your smile,
I’d like you to stay awhile.
But how could you possibly?
I adore having you around,
But not when we never speak a sound.
To be honest I want a best friend
Before a mushy, gushy, boyfriend.
In fact, I scrunch my nose at the word
Because this is absurd.
I want to flee, want to leave.
‘Cause we’re falling apart
Like over worked leather
And no one’s telling me why we’re together.
And it’s horrid, I hate it,
But do I dare terminate it?
I want someone to be there for me
But not to just stand in one place,
With that silly, blasé countenance on your face.
Do you realize how much it kills me?
When you make up infinite excuses.
My hands are forming fists,
You make me so. . . so. . .
So angry!
Yes, okay, I said it,
And I don’t dare regret it.
I’m pounding on the table,
My mind completely unstable.
5 minutes, just 5 minutes,
That’s all the time I’m asking for
But even that’s not for sure.
You don’t even realize who I am.
I’m much more than this shielded public school me,
And it hurts, that this is all you ever see.
Not nearly this often do I admit defeat,
Or can even sit so quietly in my seat.
You think I don’t know anything,
That I like sitting alone.
You think I’m reserved and shy,
That I don’t have a backbone.
How can I let you meet my family,
When you have yet to meet the real me?
And the worst part,
Is how you’re so oblivious to it all.
And I can’t stand it anymore.