Empty
The thoughts fill your head. Millions of emotions engulf your mind. There are too many, like the tangled roots of a mangrove. You try to make it stop. There is a boxing match inside your head; yet, you are the fighter as well as the enemy. Your head aches and bulges as if it is balloon. You try everything; you meditate and try to sleep; yet nothing can tame the fighters. They are vigorously and impulsively throwing punches at one another, yet it seems to take an eternity for one to knock the other out. You wish and pray for it to stop, yet once it does you only wish the emotions would return.
You now detach yourself from the world and the dwindling thoughts that once filled your head disappear. You’re underwhelmed with the misshapen melancholy. There is no reason or purpose for you to feel this way. As you try to process this emotionless mess, his glowing blue eyes look up at you, overjoyed at the sight of his older sister. You are his role model. You’re just a teenager trying to survive middle school, yet to him you are so much more. You know this but the innocent smile and delicate face cannot even cure the emptiness you feel. There is no way to escape it.
You now crave the feeling that caused you pain, simply because you could at least feel then. You are blocked out. It is as if your heart is on mute. You try to feel something, do something: anything. You yearn to laugh or cry or at least process any type of emotion but you are simply a vessel. You are a vessel that once was home to a heart and a wide array of emotions. You were a happy person. What are you now? Will it ever stop?
Help me. I’m alone and scared: stuck in a world I don’t understand. The vessel walks around and it smiles and jokes but this trapped and emotionless identity that lies within wants to come out, to show the world how I really feel. I stand in a room filled with hundreds of people and feel isolated. I put on a show. Every morning I take my mask and place it carefully on my face; it is my camouflage, my smile. I can hide with this mask or rather; cover up the emptiness that fills me. People think they know me and understand me but what is there left to understand?





{Ironically written before Dr. Fowlin came actually}