I've always been a late bloomer.
My mom was too.
Physically.
Emotionally, however, she was forced to grow up.
Forced to become a woman before her time.
I can still see the caverns carved out of her soul like the water basins left on Mars.
Something was there.
But I'll never know what because it was taken away so long ago.
But to her, it feels like yesterday.
I can see the pain in her eyes when I told her I too had insomnia.
I could see the weight of the secret on her shoulders.
Carried around for years. Alone.
After five children and 21 years of marriage. The truth comes out.
Her childhood was ripped from her arms and there was absolutely nothing she could do.
No one she could tell.
How could she?
By telling how she was wronged, she risked tearing the family apart. No.
She decided to carry the burden alone.
Today as I watch , tears stream and her voice catches.
Catches on all the gates she had kept up for 30 years. All the roadblocks.
Finally, she releases the secret that has corroded her soul for so long.
Finally, she's free.
But freedom comes at a price.
By releasing the evil from her spirit into our hearts like Pandora's box, she has placed the weight from her onto each of us.
My sisters.
My dad.
And eventually, my little brothers.
I don't blame her for telling me.
In fact, I wish she had sooner.
It would've explained my childhood.
How I never went to sleepovers.
How my mom always had to meet my friends and their parents before I even went to a daytime party.
How I'm paranoid that every man is out to get me.
To rape me.
To use me.
To take my light from me.
Like He took it from her.