We were lying side by side when I contemplated what I heard,
I’m 16 months deep and still prohibited from the two words.
His hand fits in mine like it’s made just for me,
His eyelids flutter closed, head on my chest; the unsteady death march of his heartbeat.
I peek at his nail beds and then close my eyes
And ask God how he could give someone so beautiful a deadline to life.
I think about how everyone else’s heroes are usually veterans of war,
Then shed two tears realizing that every day to Cystic Fibrosis my hero raises his sword.

You don’t even know what it’s like for him to tell you his weaknesses make him strong,
Try and plan a future like every other high school couple then realize research shows that in 10 years he’ll be gone.

You don’t even know what it’s like to watch him while he sleeps, hear the sound of what shouldn’t be a struggle then observe his clubbed nails on his fingers and feet.

You don’t even know what it’s like to see every heavy breath then pray it wasn’t his last, cry yourself to sleep at night and wonder why the bad happens to the good and not the bad.

You don’t even know how it feels to know your soul mate’s childhood was diluted in nebulizers and enzyme pills since the age of two; to know his mother has come across hand me downs that her little boy may never grow into.

You don’t know what it was like when he realized there’s a 98% chance that he’d never have a child; 2 hour treatments a day, enzymes, acapella, vibrating vest and diabetes that he’ll wear with a smile.

CF keeps me up all night,
Never lets my eyes go dry,
And keeps my hopes high.

Because Cystic Fibrosis will never cripple love or the promises we made.
It cannot slay memories or how Mint Chocolate chip ice cream lights up his face.
It cannot diminish friendship; smiling at each other like we do.
I refuse to let Cystic Fibrosis take our plans of moving into together when I’m 19 and he’s 22.
Cystic Fibrosis will not weaken faith.
Dear Cystic Fibrosis, go ahead and try.
You may make him sick but I’m determined to not let you take him from my side.

My hero is my boyfriend.
Cystic Fibrosis is both our fight.