In December.
Swallowing my heart, chains holding back my soul,
I'm never getting anywhere, I'll much faster become old.
The wrinkles begin to burn into my skin,
As I scream for my God to let me back in.
And nobody hears my agonized calls,
My fists beating hard against perfection's walls,
Truly nothing else in the world could hurt more-
Than being stabbed on the spot by the one you adore.
And the bars I've held onto so long have been broken,
I'm falling, like Alice, through the wide, dark, and open space,
Pretending not to hear the tears that drip from their eyes,
Laughing without humor at their terrible surprise.
What fools they'd been, to think me okay,
They thought, because I'd smiled, I was happy any given day,
But just because they thought I was always the one to win,
Just because they called me beautiful,
And people let me in,
Just because I seemed so happy,
Very careless, completely free,
Never meant I was truly happy,
All I wanted to be was ME.
And every single person who once treated me so wrong,
Came back under my burning body, crying tears over the Cross.
They regretted all the harsh words and choices they'd made,
But you cannot regret anything because now, it's much too late.
I laugh at your tears,
Your sorrows,
Your regrets,
They're nothing compared to the pain I felt,
And the dreadful loneliness.
Don't tell me I was meant for so much more than this,
When all I've ever wanted to do was give myself up,
Fall through my dark soul's abyss.
Cotton-candy dreams and rainbow wishes,
Love is for children, now isn't it?
All I want or need is here with me now,
Music, fills my mind and my heart,
Forget all the hurt you've felt for so long,
Nothing matters anymore,
I whisper in death's ear.
You can do nothing to me to make me come back to you,
Because once something is gone,
It can never be returned.
The worst things you see,
The most beautiful of tragedies,
Take place in one's heart, raindrops like tears,
Tracing the lines of her once-beautiful face.
Cadaverous bodies piled up in corners,
No blood in sight, it's all dried up,
And yet the stench of death is everywhere,
Filling my mind and engulfing the air.
Scold the child that's been dead for years,
Beat her bloody, cold with fear,
And even then, the perfection she seeks,
Will never be hers.
For the last time I'd like to tell you,
Exactly how much I miss you,
How much you meant to me,
But the dead cannot speak words,
Corpses cannot love or cry or smile,
So I only laugh and continue to die,
And hope that you and I will meet again sometime.
Maybe in another world, the tears I shed for you can become stars,
Maybe in another time, we can be together forever-
It lasted for so long,
It can last for longer.
And the horrors are finally over,
As is the pain of my last December.