Dear Smalltown New Hampshire, I hate you;
I hate you for being so small
That I cannot even write the actual name
Of where I live,
Because if someone were to walk down Main Street
Asking for Alanna, the crazy feminist chick
With the glasses and the poems,
They would have my phone number, address,
And life story in under a minute,
I hate you for being such a s***** hiding place
For someone with too many secrets
And far too much to lose if people discover the truth,
I hate you for locking the closet door behind me
And not letting me out,
I want to come out

I hate you for being nothing more
Than a glorified firing squad
With your aim set on anything different,
Anyone that stands out,
Anybody that dares to question you and your rules,
You have given every child a machine gun,
Positioned them so they can see
Out the window and in the mirror at the same time
And told them ‘shoot if you see anyone different’,
I hate you for being so small
That you don’t even have a hospital
Where I can go to have someone
Patch up my bullet holes,
I hate you for being nothing more
Than a bullet hole on the map
Saying no, don’t come here,
No one makes it out alive

I hate you for playing dirty,
For taking hostages,
You have everyone I love
And I cannot just leave them here to die,
But I, do not want to die here,
I hate you for sending ransom notes
With everyone holding the newspaper clipping titled
‘Local teen dead, found hanging in her bedroom’
And I do mean clipping, not headline,
The smallest mention possible,
You don’t want to talk about it
Because it might give kids the wrong idea,
The idea that suicide is still a tragedy,
That this was our fault, not hers,
Her name was Ali,
I hate you for not even pretending to care

I hate you because some days
I am sure the zombie apocalypse has already begun,
And it started right here in New Hampshire,
Everyone in this town is walking around on autopilot,
Not troubled by the fact that this is as good
As things are ever going to get,
That this monotony is all they have to look forward too
Until the day they die for good,
I hate you for somehow conditioning everyone
Into a constant state of indifference
Towards the other seven billion people on this planet,
Lather, rinse, repeat,
I hate you for making it so no one cares
That their brain is either missing entirely
Or being controlled by you,
It always leads back to you,
Lather, rinse, repeat

I hate you because it would be so easy
To spend the rest of my life here,
I can see myself, still working at the hotel,
Attending the state community college,
Still living at home, still being a burden,
Eventually moving out,
Settling down and becoming someones house wife,
Taking care of my elderly parents until they die,
Planning the funerals, inheriting the house,
Raising my own children here,
It would be so ridiculously easy,
If I could just give in to everything
I have been fighting against since I was born,
If the doctors could find the right pills
And I could ignore the fact that you are slowly killing me,
I might even be content here,
I hate you for making me terrified that content
Is the best I am ever going to get,
Lather, rinse, repeat,
I hate you