A feeling of terror
Gripped my heart
Along with it, my soul
My mind, my body, my conscious
It consumed me whole
It sent anxiety rushing up my spine
Squeezing my stomach
Holding me there, still and quiet
As I slowly slipped my fingers
Under the flap of the envelope
Ripping it with a vicious caution
Expecting the worse, I looked at the letter
The one letter that will determine
My life, my future, ultimately, myself
The one letter that I have worked for
For the past two decades
Countless fearful nights
Just wishing I would die
Wishing I could sink beneath the dirt
And become one with the universe
Wanting to just shoot myself point-blank
To just somehow go under
And never resurface
But I had pushed through
I had done my best, I had risen above
And now, it all came to this
Here in my hands
My labor, my pain, my hurt
Expecting the worse, I looked at the letter
I read it
Carefully, each word, each sentence
I ingrained into my memory
Because I knew I will never forget
How I laughed that day
When the worst had come
When I thought, "Ah, this is my life now"
This is what I had lived for
Pitiful, isn't it?
How many lives are destroyed in an instant