In the rain when my skin pricks and my blood boils,
At night when the stars look down on us all with contempt,
In bed when I snivel and curl and try to forget,
At school in the wooden desk, dreaming of open blue sky,
At dinner when I push my food around the plate,
At a party where I look for the nearest escape,
In your presence when I judge myself to be never enough,
Alone, just me, when my nerves tie themselves in knots,

my words, my thoughts, my heart beats
jumble together and spell your name
my blood, when pouring through my veins,
slithers calmly when hearing your voice.
my fingers shake and struggle to grasp
you and your heart, which slides away
smooth like a tide, rough like a cat’s tongue.

do I belong to you? no-
but you hold my soul in captivity,
in a cage of bone and desire,
no key or pin to pick the lock
trapped, an eternity, no bread no water,
no wings to fly away.
hurt me, I will die.
you hold the one and only thing,
I need to survive this dreaded life,
a wasteland of deserted thoughts,
and dreams that have passed on.

Leave me.. Oh!
lightning has struck the plain of my heart
let me be, let me die alone
the cave that is my life allows no light
to reach my pale, emaciated corpse
no butterflies or bees to pollinate my withering roses,
only dried up thorns to prick my dying thumbs.

floating, like a log, face down
I see my reflection on a mirror at the bottom of the sea.
so far, but I can make out the outline.
I am not who I am, not who I used to be.
I’m just a shadow, a shade, a two dimensional representation,
every other layer has fallen away, crumbled under you
I close my eyes and sink.
You do not catch me and I hit the bottom, cold dead
ice in my veins, queen of the lost souls.
nobody cries at my grave.

believe me when I say my soul’s asleep.
dormant, hot crimson, lava oozing out the seams,
to live again, a silly wish, when life brings so much pain
but from within my heart, a sprout will take root,
tentative and unsure, living only on the hope fed to me with a spoon
cold and metallic, it tastes of blood,
of the sorrow of the past and the anxiety of the future.
I open my eyes and blink, squint,
the glorious, rising sun shines in my face
and I can’t see you anymore.