Dreaming hurts me.
Silence gains me nothing.
Thoughts are vivid, rapid. It hurts to think.
The power of her beauty, is overwhelming.
She breaths with elegance, she moves with grace.
For I wish I had her beauty.
My mind is running spryly with my body and my spirit.
My walls, these barriers, are up, and they are strong.
These barriers that I have, are ruining me.
They are crushing and breaking, my inner, hurting dreams.
These barriers that I have, are hard to come by.
They are hard to tear down, hard to bring me peace.
These barriers that I have, are bringing me down. They destroy, and seize, my deep and lost fantasies.
They rip them out, throw my heart down, and blame me for being a soulless being.
These barriers call me out, they tell me that I am nothing.
They tell me that I am weak.
These barriers tell me that there is not one good thing to my name. They tell me that I can’t do anything, that my self worth, is to be a horrid sight, among myself and my loved ones who stand against me.
These barriers tell me that I can’t love me, because I am simply not worth the time to be dealt with. The time to be deprived of my loneliness.
The time for my own chances, to be taken from me.
These barriers ask me “Who are you?”
“Who are you, that you call yourself beautiful, simply because of your cold, bare face?”
“Who are you, to stand there and have the audacity, the disregard, to fight for your own face? That face which will be crushed and torn out from the vey depths of what you call beautiful?”
I look at that woman everyday, and try to see myself in her.
This woman that I see, is not who I know myself to be.
She is so beautiful, she is so enticing.
I, this spirit inside of me. Yearns for that woman to be me.
But, these barriers stop me.
They tell me that I am nothing.
They tell me that I am weak.
These barriers tell me that I can’t be her,
that woman that I see.
It hurts me to look at her, knowing that she has always been me, but I have been to scarred to even see.
It is just that these barriers, these walls, block me from seeing me.
I wish to see myself again, to tell me that I am me.
To look at myself, through my heart, and say that I am me, that I am beautiful.
I need to see myself again.
These barriers will come crashing down, and I will once again see me.