Inside the Body | TeenInk

Inside the Body

November 4, 2012
By Angelic_Kitten_Gwenyth BRONZE, Indianapolis, Indiana
Angelic_Kitten_Gwenyth BRONZE, Indianapolis, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't take your life seriously. It's not like anyone gets out alive after all


Inside the Body it is quite deceased, you see
Lifeless, our body for both you and me
Your skeleton holds you up, without it you would be a big blob of skin
You eat healthy to keep your stomach not fat or thin
Your brain holds knowledge and common sense
And your heart pumps blood with a beat quite intense, knowing that if you treat it wrong you would be dead in recompense
But nothing too complicated is that useful
Inside the body there is no thing fruitful
What really matters inside the body is the compassion and life
Everyone I know really just has strife
There is no love, just horror inside the heart
Everyone that I know tries to act so smart
Not knowing that the real knowledge is inside the heart.
Knowledge is love
And love is art
You can't say you know everything until you know someones heart
And no one knows my heart
I am invisible, no one pays attention to me
Just a girl whose friends are less than reality
But when they talk they are rude
I don't want to have that attitude
They have no hearts, they have no lives
And only this is what makes me thrive
For someones helping hand with love compassion and life
So don't deny it, you know that inside the body there is no life


The author's comments:
This is something that I wrote about some people at my school and this is my first time actually writing poetry

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This article has 13 comments.


on Jan. 1 2013 at 7:03 pm
AmayaEcho SILVER, York, Pennsylvania
6 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Stay strong."

For a first attempt at poetry, that was really good!  Honestly, all it needs is punctuation.

on Jan. 1 2013 at 6:07 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

I like this. I was really surprised to see you say in your comment that it was your first time writing poetry. :) "Knowledge is love and love is art" That is unbelievably beautiful and wise. For some reason I also love "whose friends are less than reality". It's relatable and gorgeous and a fine piece of writing. The only thing I would suggest is more of a for-future-reference. Sometimes rhyming doesn't have to be consistant throughout a poem. Some of the best poems contain, at most, mere scraps of rhyme here and there. It helps to put more emphasis on what the speaker is saying. All in all, though, this is a gorgeous poem. Good job :)

on Dec. 31 2012 at 8:25 pm
FauxedTea BRONZE, Denver, Pennsylvania
2 articles 3 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
'We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.' -Andre Berthiaume

I really liked the message you were getting across! I LOVED the last line. I felt like that held the real power in your piece. I was weary toward the beginning becauase I felt like the wording could be more sophisticated and flow more evenly, but as I read on, I really liked the poem. Overall, it was very well written! Could you read and comment on my Pocket Watch Heart? Thanks! 

on Dec. 30 2012 at 4:59 pm
Sparkle1pops PLATINUM, Colorado Springs, Colorado
31 articles 20 photos 343 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist."
- Oscar Wilde

I really like this poem! The thing that I would chage about this poem would be that the first half of your poem does not flow very well. You might want to change the wording or somethng like that. Maybe make your poem a little less imformative. Also a couple of the sentences were a little confusing, it kind of takes away from the poetry when you have to concentrate on one sentnce at a time. Sorry I am being so rough! I really do love this poem, especially for a firsttimer. You have real potential ! Keep practicing :)

on Dec. 30 2012 at 12:29 am
MattMattHatter PLATINUM, Bellevue, Washington
33 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn. "
Thomas Gray

I really like this poem, because it doesn't focus on the things that don't matter. Could you look at my poem Oxygen, and Books, and leave a comment? I would appreciate it.

on Dec. 29 2012 at 12:38 pm
Atl.Braves03 BRONZE, Tampa, FL, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part
Of this picture he's painting
God is God and I am man
I will never understand
Because only God is God

I liked it, especially the message about focusing on what is important.

Aqua. said...
on Dec. 28 2012 at 1:41 pm
Aqua., Shakopee, Minnesota
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
We always have, and make choices that mold us into somthing different.

No one can make you feel infrierior without your say.

Wishing it just part of making a dream come true you'll have to work for it as well.

One of my favorites

on Dec. 2 2012 at 6:05 am
VelanedeBeaute GOLD, Sialkot, Other
11 articles 2 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
I vow to shine, like a sapphire, some gem!
I promise, not to whine, but smile till the end.
The symphony of my life
like a violin I will play,
I would vouch,
Vehement to my life I lay.

Just keep on writing honey, whether someone praises or not! ;)

on Dec. 1 2012 at 2:26 pm
Angelic_Kitten_Gwenyth BRONZE, Indianapolis, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't take your life seriously. It's not like anyone gets out alive after all

Thank You!!! (everyone) This kinda stuff helps you alot so THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! :D 

on Dec. 1 2012 at 12:04 pm
loveisntreal GOLD, Arcata, California
19 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
"you live what you've learned." -linkin park

omg! that is really really good. you have a talent. :)) keep writing poetry you are amazing. <3

on Nov. 29 2012 at 12:49 pm
Anna141 PLATINUM, Yarmouth, Maine
23 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain."

Auth

I like this, it flows really well!

on Nov. 27 2012 at 7:54 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

WOW. For a "first timer", you're AH-mazing. I really loved this poem! I honestly cannot find any flaws in this, except maybe adding a bit more of a rhythm or repeating words or phrases to add emphasis. I really LOVE this poem. YOu combined my two favorite things (science and understanding) and BOOM made this amazing poem. WOW. I'm really impressed. 5/5!!

on Nov. 27 2012 at 2:26 pm
VelanedeBeaute GOLD, Sialkot, Other
11 articles 2 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
I vow to shine, like a sapphire, some gem!
I promise, not to whine, but smile till the end.
The symphony of my life
like a violin I will play,
I would vouch,
Vehement to my life I lay.

For someone who's attempting poetry for the first time, the expression of feelings such boldly is really an awesome thing to happen. You just need to keep reading more poetry, which will automatically tend to shape your verses properly when you continue writing more. For now, I'd say, this is a 4/5 stars thing.!! :)