When life gets hard,
my first instinct is to hide.
Get away from all people
and be alone.
But then, as I sink deeper
into a depression
that's almost impossible
to get out of,
I realize that I need
to be surrounded
by the people I know.
And then... As I go
from place to place,
knowing I look miserable,
I get sympathetic looks,
and people ask questions.
But I don't want to talk
to people who don't necessarily care,
and most definitely don't understand.
So I go back to being alone,
and I cry.
It feels good.
And then I'm angry
at myself for crying,
because where I used to grow up at,
crying is a sign of weakness.
So I toughen up,
plaster on a fake smile,
and attempt to make it
through the rest of the day.
When the day is almost over,
a friend finds me sobbing in the bathroom.
And that's when I realize
that I need you.
That you make me happy,
and feel special,
and after almost 12 months of feeling guilty,
and completely dead inside,
I feel alive again.
So I make the choice,
do I keep fighting what I'm facing? Or do I just endure it,
with you and your strength by my side?