The Talons of Freedom | Teen Ink

The Talons of Freedom

December 25, 2011
By PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 179 comments

What happens when my brick rubber bands break-
When that bing-bong-boing quits chanting my name?

When sticky wings elude their refusal
and the Hingeson those closed doors talk?

Now, the last page isn't an ending.
Instead, paper relies on sole bending.

Choose quick! The lost rebellion has grown flames.
Relinquish insecurities;love blame.

Chance is a bitter slay of the right soul
or precious drops of glitter-fate of gold

Waves may caress a desperate, lonely bay
but are the knives and shrills worth the strain?


The author's comments:
This is about the temptation someone might have to cheat even though the might be in a stable and healthy relationship.

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This article has 9 comments.


on Jan. 13 2012 at 2:26 pm
Mimi15 PLATINUM, Belfast, Maine
49 articles 0 photos 74 comments
Your rhyming was done perfectly. The third stanza is uber splendid. You are such a great writer. Please continue. Have a nice day :)

leafy said...
on Jan. 7 2012 at 9:27 am
leafy, City, Other
0 articles 0 photos 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion. 
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it. 
Gil: You haven't even read it yet. 
Ernest Hemingway: If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer. 

Yes, thank you :)

on Jan. 6 2012 at 9:41 pm
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 179 comments
"The sole bending" part goes with the previous line before it. Instead of being happy with your life, you rely on the little kinks that aren't perfect and focus on those instead. This leads to the rest of the poem-the temptation to cheat and the consequences that come with it. Does that make a little more sense?

leafy said...
on Jan. 6 2012 at 5:56 pm
leafy, City, Other
0 articles 0 photos 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion. 
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it. 
Gil: You haven't even read it yet. 
Ernest Hemingway: If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer. 

Interesting poem, there are some parts I really love, and others that I'm not so big a fan of, so I'll start with the latter. First (as ReadWriteBreathe mentioned) in the 4th line, it should be "hinges on" instead of "Hingeson." Also, there needs to be a space are the semicolon in the 8th line. As for the 3rd stanza, I didn't really like it. For me at least, it seemed to awkwardly stick out from the rest of the poem. And did you mean "soul bending" instead? Again, it might just be me, but that part didn't make much sense, wither way you go. Or did you mean something like "relies solely on bending"?
As for the rest of it, especially the last three stanzas, I liked your poem a lot. I loved the line "precious drops of glitter-fate gold" :). The poem flowed well and uniquely, something which often cannot be obtained at the same time. Overall, while your poem could use some work, it has potential. Keep up the good work! 4/5

on Jan. 3 2012 at 9:47 pm
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 179 comments
Thank you so much! It means a lot!

on Jan. 3 2012 at 5:17 pm
applesauceHater SILVER, Nikolaevsk, Alaska
8 articles 0 photos 124 comments
ive never added any piece to my favorates yet, but urs was so iresistable, the words kept ringing in my ear, ive read it many times, and added it as my favorates

on Jan. 3 2012 at 5:15 pm
applesauceHater SILVER, Nikolaevsk, Alaska
8 articles 0 photos 124 comments
this is amasing. I love it!its very beautiful in a way, ur words are wonderful, oh master of words

on Dec. 28 2011 at 10:27 pm
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 179 comments
yeahh, typo oops. and thanks!

on Dec. 28 2011 at 10:21 pm
ReadWriteBreathe PLATINUM, Pocatello, Idaho
24 articles 4 photos 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you" Tyler Durden Fight Club

You're vocabulary is really good. I love how it isn't just straight forward but you sort of have to think. in the second stanza is it suppose to be "hinges on those closed doors talk" Really great job


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