i haven't felt a pooling in so long.
i stared at the squirrel holding the nut in it's mouth.

silhouetted by the sidewalk behind the tree, scamper scamper.
i said i was learning to write in the present.
i said that? i said something coherent?

-stay with me until you can stand your friends again.-
again i say, she said that. recursion of sayings.

the back of my legs have a pool of things.
memories gathered that i ignored because
i'm still hurting.
so i get to pool because i can't forget?

what you said because i said that you said that i said
i'm crazy.

i guess some parts of it
being all human i swear
i'll never understand
when i cry not a move is made to me
to fix the hurt that is running through my veins

i'm crying inside don't you see that?
i brave through this like i brave biting into a banana.

pulling back my tongue to the very start of my mouth.
i'd try something over and over because i know soon,

someday i'll get it right and everything will taste like apples.

not bananas laced with potassium.

i said that you said that i said but you said it first, that i'm crazy.
you lied to me i've lied to me too.

does that make it okay?
does this make it all okay because i can't forget and
i'm still hurting.

i'm closer to a pool now then i was days ago.
just then, in my legs.
memories gathered up because they were angry.
because i wanted to forget that i've lied to myself.

can i doublethink myself out of this one?
forcing myself to taste apples when it is all bananas.

i'm incoherent now.
it took me this long and i'm proud of that.
proud that my recursions of

you said that he said that i said that you said that i said that he said that you said that i said--
i'm too proud for this.

all or nothing now.
i haven't pooled in so long, weeks at least.
i've turned to rubber and i'm proud.
proud to be the rubber i was born to be.
look you've won aren't you happy?
i can't forget when the world tasted like apples.
i can't remember when the world tasted like apples.
i f***ing hate bananas.