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Magic of the Fall MAG

November 26, 2011
By Jacob Golden GOLD, Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
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Jacob Golden GOLD, Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 3 comments
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Glued erect; memorized
A tranquil gaze of this world within a world.
The boy's shrill laughter flooded my ears, as he swam across the ground.
And my heart stopped in the sweetness of climax
when his feet left the earth,
his golden hair
swaying to the mercy of the wind.
His feet touched first
Then his legs and knees, until his body dipped into the mound of faded hue
And then he vanished,
Swallowed by the withered brass of
sweltered life.
And there I stood
As the sun slipped beneath the horizon and stars gripped the skies
and I waited
until the silhouette of a man
emerged from the swollen pile

© Allison S., Eau Claire, WI

The author's comments:
The season of Fall got me thinking of the the perpetual cycle of life. Here, I tried to embody the arduous task of maturation...which is why "The" is capitalized instead of "fall."
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 10 comments.

Jacob Golden GOLD said...
on Nov. 29 2011 at 3:05 pm
Jacob Golden GOLD, Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 3 comments
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yeah i'd love to
LifeIsPoetry PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 29 2011 at 10:27 am
LifeIsPoetry PLATINUM, Kapowsin, Washington
33 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.&quot; <br /> &ndash; Mother Teresa

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Sometimes, writing about a particular subject without being straightforward is a challenge, but you pulled it off well. I like the metaphor of how it takes many falls before one can grow up. Keep writing! Maybe you can review some of my poetry sometime?
MrSlowik said...
on Nov. 29 2011 at 6:56 am
The word choice here really is fantastic. Very vivid imagery, very well paced. Evocative. Well done! Keep writing/posting...
midnitewanderer GOLD said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 10:53 pm
midnitewanderer GOLD, West Des Moines, Iowa
11 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don&#039;t let what you can&#039;t do stop you from doing what you can do.<br /> John Wooden<br /> The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.<br /> Eleanor Roosevelt

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OneofThem is right, the word choice is impeccable. When I was reading it honestly felt that every word was a piece that fit into a puzzle and (yahh) every piece fit! Every word felt like it was contemplated and thought about, nothing was misplaced. Your poem also reflected your author's comment, which I read after the poem, but yahh I understood the poem before I read your comment. GReat job!

As you can see I really liked his poem;)

It would be great if you could critique some of my stuff, I'm in need of what you did so perfectly, making every word count and important. Thanks and Write on!

fringesofinspiredlunacy SILVER said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 6:52 pm
fringesofinspiredlunacy SILVER, Baltimore, Maryland
8 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

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Interesting.  The word choice is absolutely impeccable.  Great job, that was very interesting to read!  And thought provoking, to a certain extenet.  Which is hard to do. XD
Morning said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 6:48 pm
This was a really nice poem! I love the ending. I think that this is one of the best poems I have read in a long time. You don't state it outright, you show. Lovely!
readlovewrite SILVER said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 6:06 pm
readlovewrite SILVER, Greensboro, North Carolina
7 articles 1 photo 58 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Be quick to listen, and slow to speak, and even slower to judge.&quot;

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This is really good.  You did a really good job of showing cycles within cycles.  Like how th boy grew up over many falls'.  It was also interesting that you went deeper than just the classic poem that people write about fall, though this involves the leaves of fall, (you're right) it is more of a thing of how things/peopls mature.  This is really well written so keep writing!
AvaJay GOLD said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 5:53 pm
AvaJay GOLD, Spokane, Washington
13 articles 4 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not pray for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.<br /> ~ Tagore

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Wow! This is so beautiful!
Jacob Golden GOLD said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 5:04 pm
Jacob Golden GOLD, Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 3 comments
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Thanks for your feedback...and sure I'd love to take a look at your work.
byebye said...
on Nov. 28 2011 at 4:53 pm
byebye, Nevermore, Other
0 articles 0 photos 250 comments
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This is a beautiful poem. I love your comments about the article, you clearly put a lot of thought into what you were doing. I rated this 5 out of 5! :)

Oh, by the way, I'm somewhat of a poet....not as good as you, but I do have a couple poems in. Maybe you could check out my work and leave some feedback? I really need to hear what others think. Thanks :)