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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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This article has 2194 comments.
Sexxxxyyyy said...
on Oct. 3 2011 at 10:21 am
your dad seemed very controling!!
MrsensitiveE GOLD said...
on Oct. 3 2011 at 10:15 am
plz check me out i wanna know if im as good as the people on here
MrsensitiveE GOLD said...
on Oct. 3 2011 at 10:14 am
really good please check me out
Trixie.B.Rose GOLD said...
on Oct. 2 2011 at 10:58 am
I was also wondering, how the bound was related in the poem, you explained it perfectly! :)
maraquette.koss SILVER said...
on Oct. 1 2011 at 12:23 pm
I agree, especially the line about the birdie, it sounds childish
MsBrightside said...
on Sep. 30 2011 at 10:52 am
I totally agree. It had a strong, lead to it in the start. You have an image in you'r head of a child questioning the father, than it leads into something about a sky and a chain, (Which I do understand is connected in sorts of ways), I think if this person wants all of these lines included, it should become a story told in a poem, with more reasonings and new pictures, its like thoughing a bunch at me without explantion.
MsBrightside said...
on Sep. 30 2011 at 10:48 am
Honestly, the start of the poem was pretty good. I felt as if you were starting a story that would lead to a moral lesson, or stick with the title really. Though it seems as you read further and further, the poem digresses and you tried to hard. I think it needs some work, but it was a great start truly, keep up the good work!
.meadow. said...
on Sep. 29 2011 at 8:52 am
I liked it but... the line "as i gazed at the birdie" seemed forced, like when i'm writing and i say, "oh, what rhymes with luck? duck." and the poem takes a weird new path.
hearmyvoice BRONZE said...
on Sep. 24 2011 at 2:53 pm
i like the story but some of the rhyming seemed forced. the overall theme was great though so good job
Smiley1068 SILVER said...
on Sep. 23 2011 at 7:37 pm
All I can say is wow!
thegirlwiththemessyhair said...
on Sep. 23 2011 at 5:55 am
i think it means that the dad is too overprotective and while he won't let the son fall, he won't let him fly either.
Mrs.parez said...
on Sep. 22 2011 at 1:15 pm
this is a lovely poem
gonzalo said...
on Sep. 16 2011 at 2:33 pm
I liked the poem because it tells us the importance of the fathers to protect us.
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