I found a bear in my bathtub
He was thick, round, and had fur an inch thick
I ran to my neighbor and yelled through his window, “Bear!”
He cringed his eyes at me and pierced me with a stare
He was sitting on the toilet
People don’t like it when you yell into their bathroom window
He said, “What are you doing you idiot!”
“There’s a bear in my bathtub” I said
He just closed the window and called me names
How could anybody believe me, I didn’t even believe me
I went back into my house, cracked open the bathroom door and stuck my head inside
The bear grinned an evil grin and gave me the finger
I said, “Get out of my bathtub!”
He said no
I thought and thought of ways to get him to go away
The woods, the forest, the supermarket, anywhere that isn’t here
I got an ax out of the garage; no I couldn’t kill a bear
If I were him, what would I hate the most when taking a shower?
So I tip-toed into the bathroom, flushed the toilet and turned on the faucet
Ole Grizzly screamed and screamed, the steaming water burned through his fur and singed his skin
He flailed his arms around, ripped off the shower curtain and ran out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist
Human 1, Bear 0