A lump rises in my throat, opaque and
Unforgiving
Heart beating fast and
Unsteadily steady
Blood rushing to my face, pain an almost
Physical sensation crushing my
Heart
They’re coming now, and I can’t stop them
The memories and flashbacks, blurry around the edges
Faded and scratched but all too clear
Just detailed enough for the pain to stab like razors in my chest
But soft focus so I can’t remember
Everything
The natural human response to pain:
Hold back on the sharpest edges,
Dull them down so they don’t hurt as bad.
Tears cling to my eyelashes
Icicles sparkling with June sunlight
I fight with them only until I can’t fight any longer
But as soon as I allow myself to cry
The tears stick to my eyes, caught on the barrier of eyelashes that
Protects me,
But doesn’t let me feel the sweet release I crave of letting go,
Just not caring for five minutes
I’m just praying, screaming
That I can let these tears flow like broken rivers down my cheeks
But this barrier shields me from the prying eyes of strangers
Who don’t want to see other people
Cry