How long has it been since I realized
that even I needed love?
How long has it been since you tumbled in to my life one
cold winter night?
How long was it since I realized that I was not meant to be?
I no longer remember myself, my name?
Who could I have been and what am I doing
now?
I danced in the snow flaking itself in my hair.
Chilling me and yet bringing me back from the edge.
White, pure so innocent but know now
its stained a red.
Did you know the first slice in the cold of the night is easy?
Not painful really just a mild sting.
The smell of the blood on the snow is coppery like
lots of pennies.
The red looks like roses on the ground blooming for me.
The glow of the street light makes it hard to spot me and
makes the park look abandoned and eerie.
Laying down on the bench I watch the starry sky.
My vision fades and blurs but I smile.
Its easy now. Now there is nothing to do or say,nothing to
be, nothing to address but death.
It feels cold at first and I feel like I'm floating.
High above the ground. I eel,like I'm made
of nothing and as light as
a feather.
My memory's blur into faces and for a second I feel
regret for leaving my loved ones.
Maybe they'll understand once they read the note in my hand.
Maybe they'll smile and laugh without me
there.
I know this probably sounds like I don't care but I do.
I want them to be free, burden less of me.
I want them to smile when they read my works. Know I'll always be with them.
Smile now that the hours of my life has past.
A blurred image greets me.
His face is there.
He too would be smiling without me there.
Without a care .
Time will flow on that endless river man created.
Months,days,years, lives.
Lifetimes will shift through earth and someday I will
see them stand next to me.
Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep
the noise is annoying and it makes me want to open my eyes.
Its almost like I was still alive .
I hear voices...
I am at heavens gate?
Is that an angel coming for me?
Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep
The voices move away and I want to open my eyes more
and say 'hey don't forget me'.
But everything fades again.
The next thing I know
there is something warm and calloused on my hand.
'Who are you' I want to ask but my body if you can call
it that won't move won't function.
'Open your eyes please....I need you.”
The voice is familiar but I can't place it.
My mind is muddled and the questions repeat them selves in my
head.
Who am I?
Who are you?
Where am I?
Why can't I open my eyes?
You don't want to be heard or seen.
Open them life awaits.
Gasping I open my eyes.
Blinking blinking
White sterile white.
Panic invades me.
The warmth tightens around my hand until its painful.
“Ow!”
How?
I wonder if this is a dream I'm having as punishment for killing myself.
But when he sees me and his eyes filled with such hope I knew
not even my dreams are so cruel.
“I love you.”