Birthday wish | Teen Ink

Birthday wish

November 26, 2010
By Donttrust BRONZE, Fort Collins, Colorado
Donttrust BRONZE, Fort Collins, Colorado
1 article 2 photos 44 comments

You swore you would never leave me.
You promised you said that you’d never give up
You crossed your heart hoped to die swore that I could trust you
That I could tell you anything
My head said no, My heart said yes.
I fell I trusted I told

I finally became real. I felt complete with you.
Like I had somewhere to go when needed
You were my support, my home.
When sad I’d run into your arms hoping praying to god you’d hold me and tell me it’ll all be ok
Say it’ll all be over soon
You tricked me.
I believed in you.
Then you threw me away like I was last week’s trash.
You knew that would hurt me, you pinky promised you’d never hurt me
You kiss kiss kiss pinky promised I was always your princess that you’d always want to hold me in your arms, that you’d never get sick of me
I thought that maybe just once I could trust someone.
That when I told them everything that they wouldn’t think I was a freak that they wouldn’t want to leave.
I should never trust my heart its always wrong.
Love’ll get you hurt torn apart
Shattered into a million pieces without anyone to come and pick them up and piece back together
with white Elmer’s glue.
You were my first anything, my first everything.
You say I meant something to you that I still do.
But before we even cut it off
You started this thing with HER
And I pretended not to notice
When you texted her hugged her I looked the other way
Saying I’m the one you still love the one you always will love
And Wanna know the worst thing? A week before we broke up I was told we seemed like the couple who just roll through it all….and I agreed.
I had no idea this was coming, I thought we’d last through it all
But you found a new me
A prettier
One who doesn’t make you stressed
You don’t fight with her all the time like you and I fought
But they say the ones who fight the most care the most.
You didn’t want to hear it, I’d pushed you too far.
You were done you gave up!
You broke your promise.
Don’t you hear me screaming for you to come back?
I’m going to lose my voice soon dear.
It’s all ready disintegrating
Every time I see you and her stand close together
Or huggin, Or talking
I want to break down into a ball and just let the raindrops fall down my face
Making a river at my feet
I want to give up.
I don’t understand how you can go from me. To her.
In less than a night.
Guess what
You lied. You broke ALL your promises
You hurt me. You swore you never would intentionally hurt me.
I hate you
You’ve made all these feelings inside me.
Its confusing me.
One moment its hate,
The next its love,
next its longing,
next its rejection,
after that its anger
I don’t know what I feel anymore.
You’ve hurt me worse than I’ve ever been hurt before
Yet I’m still praying to god you’ll come back
Begging for you
Won’t you come back please!?
I did what you asked.
I talked to someone other than you.
I told you though
I told you they wouldn’t understand no one but you seem to understand
But now not even you seem to understand
Even you yell at me when I try to talk to you.
All I’m asking for is help.
Support, love.
But you left me.
I’m gone now not able to breath.
Yet I’m stuck in the middle of numb and caring
I can’t figure out how to get back to the desirable side of numb.
I wish I’d never open myself up to you.
Did I ever actually mean anything?
I’m at a loss of words
I miss you
I hate you
7 months-all together
Asshole- you left
Love.- comeback
You. Left. You gave up
I hate you.- Flirt.
You told me
I could tell you anything
I was careful
I told myself I shouldn’t Trust
“follow your heart it’s never wrong.”
That’s a lie.
And the worst thing is…
You were right…about everything
I regret everything.
And I’m shattered all over the floor.
Remember my glass heart? Remember how you promised to never break it?
Remember how you found all the pieces off the floor and you put them back together?
Remember when I was your princess
When you swore pinky promised to never hurt me?
I do. I remember it all.
I was told you NEVEER broke a pinky promise
What a fool I was.
You were my first everything .
You told me you didn’t want to be my first
You were right, I regret it all
It was just another stupid high school relationship
I’m just another girl to add to your collection.
I hope your happy now
With her
I’m done waiting around for you.
Thank you for being there when I needed you at first.
Thank you for guiding me, I ‘m sorry I ever bothered you.
I’m going to go build back up these walls around my heart
The ones you tore up
I’m going to go resew and put back together the layers of my heart
That you’ve broken through
Thank you for bringing me to the surface of this pitch black freezing water now.
But I guess it’s time for you to shove me back under
Tear and rip me apart until I can’t breathe any longer and drown back down to this pitch black oasis of nothing.
Look at me now. Seams torn apart
Red rimmed eyes
I’m falling apart for you hoping I can do something,
to get you back.
But I know its not going to work
And now I’m just stuck with the image of your green eyes staring into mine
still seeing that sparkle. But now that sparkles not towards me
Its towards her
You stand there and be with her
Right in front of me
Then have the nerve to come and ask me if I’m ok.
What do you think.?
You took away all the layers
My walls
So you could know the deepest darkest
Secrets of my heart.
I let you.
I opened myself up to you; you told me I could trust you
That if I opened up my heart to you
You wouldn’t tell anyone.
That you would always be there.
But then you told me I depended on you too much.
You couldn’t handle it.
What the hell did you think would happen.
You knew I didn’t talk to anyone before you.
Then you tell me you’ll be able to handle it all
So I trust you.
I told you everything
But you couldn’t handle it.
You left. You lied.
I’ve never been so hurt in my life
Theres this hole in my heart
Not in my lungs
All though that’s where I wish it was
So I’d have an excuse not to be able to breath
When I see you and her standing there together.

Happy Birthday, I hope all your wishes came true.
P.S. I’ve moved on too

The author's comments:
Maybe ‘we’ didn’t mean that much to you….but ‘we’ meant everything to me

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