The Autopsy of an Apple Fallen | Teen Ink

The Autopsy of an Apple Fallen

October 28, 2010
By BillM GOLD, JACKSONVILLE, Florida
BillM GOLD, JACKSONVILLE, Florida
12 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Behold! The freshest and ripest apple,
Shining in its brilliant red hue,
Standing like the cross atop a snowy chapel,
But plotting its dreadful coup.

As that fine golden stem severs connection,
It marks an epoch in an everlasting glass,
We begin a tedious dissection,
When bruised by salient strips of grass.

The tree which gave it life,
Now casts an ominous shadow in its path,
Once bound as husband and wife,
A divorce of interests, and entailing wrath.

The final product of this villainous knave?
Oh how can this be weighed?
By megatons or seismic wave?
Neigh, it cuts the Earth as a sharpened spade.

The tranquil seas do conceal,
The potential of unrealized destruction,
A stupefied angler with fish and creel,
Spies the bluish visage of a world’s reduction.

In the quake of the rebellious apple,
All men become twisted in essence,
A leathery book I do grapple,
And seek the tunnel for luminescence.

Sure as the moon’s ascent by night,
But not quite as the Son’s by morn,
I relinquish this apple of all its might,
And find an evergreen without a thorn.


The author's comments:
Inspired by my love for the Lord, Jesus Christ

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This article has 7 comments.


on Apr. 12 2012 at 8:16 pm
debmalamud SILVER, Los Angeles, California
5 articles 0 photos 2 comments
i really like this.

ALM007 ELITE said...
on Apr. 5 2012 at 8:29 pm
ALM007 ELITE, São Paulo, Colorado
119 articles 54 photos 118 comments
The only thing I love more than the poem is your comment and dedication.

on Aug. 5 2011 at 8:08 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

Ummm, no offense to Eirias, but i don't agree with her/his changes. They don't make much sense really...

I LOVE this poem!!! I love the meaning. I love the Lord, Jesus Christ! i imagine you watching this happening in the poem like i am sitting right there next to you. This is the poem i picked to favorite of yours!


Eirias SILVER said...
on Aug. 3 2011 at 10:18 am
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

From the top: I like the title, the way apple comes before fallen.

I'd take out "its" in line 2.

I'd change "but" to "yet." Yet has a softer sound, as opposed to the harder B. Unless "coup" isn't pronounced like I thought it was, it is the only line that doesn't rhyme. I'd also change "its" to "a."

Stanza 2: I'd take out "an" in line 2. I'd change "a" to "with," and take out the "when"

Stanza 3: Maybe "which once gave life"? I'd end line 2 with a period. I'd add "as" before "wife"

Stanza 4: your rhyme scheme is half-rhymes. You have 2 pairs of rhymes, which half-rhyme with each other. That muddles things a bit. I'd change "as" to "like."

Stanza 5: end line 2 with a period. take out "a" in the last line.

Stanza 6: change "the" to "this." I feel like "become" has too many syllables.

I like that you're using your gift to bring God glory.


austenite GOLD said...
on Jun. 28 2011 at 6:00 pm
austenite GOLD, River Falls, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 177 comments

Favorite Quote:
...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy

This is fantastic. It's one of my favorites of your poems, in fact! This poem is loaded with imagery and hidden meanings - I really like how you capitalized "Son" in the second to last line. :)  

BillM GOLD said...
on Jun. 19 2011 at 4:23 pm
BillM GOLD, JACKSONVILLE, Florida
12 articles 0 photos 26 comments
Thank you very much.

on Jun. 18 2011 at 5:32 pm
NinjaGirl BRONZE, Valley City, North Dakota
1 article 0 photos 202 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing holding us back in life is our desire to stay where we are and not venture further.
~Some random person on the Internet :P

Wow. This is wonderful! So much depth! I love your word choice and the rhyme scheme in this piece. I'm glad you find inspiration in your faith; I do too, sometimes. :) Keep it up. You, my friend, have real talent!


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