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The Autopsy of an Apple Fallen
Behold! The freshest and ripest apple,
Shining in its brilliant red hue,
Standing like the cross atop a snowy chapel,
But plotting its dreadful coup.
As that fine golden stem severs connection,
It marks an epoch in an everlasting glass,
We begin a tedious dissection,
When bruised by salient strips of grass.
The tree which gave it life,
Now casts an ominous shadow in its path,
Once bound as husband and wife,
A divorce of interests, and entailing wrath.
The final product of this villainous knave?
Oh how can this be weighed?
By megatons or seismic wave?
Neigh, it cuts the Earth as a sharpened spade.
The tranquil seas do conceal,
The potential of unrealized destruction,
A stupefied angler with fish and creel,
Spies the bluish visage of a world’s reduction.
In the quake of the rebellious apple,
All men become twisted in essence,
A leathery book I do grapple,
And seek the tunnel for luminescence.
Sure as the moon’s ascent by night,
But not quite as the Son’s by morn,
I relinquish this apple of all its might,
And find an evergreen without a thorn.
JOIN THE DISCUSSION
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.
Ummm, no offense to Eirias, but i don't agree with her/his changes. They don't make much sense really...
I LOVE this poem!!! I love the meaning. I love the Lord, Jesus Christ! i imagine you watching this happening in the poem like i am sitting right there next to you. This is the poem i picked to favorite of yours!
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"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus
From the top: I like the title, the way apple comes before fallen.
I'd take out "its" in line 2.
I'd change "but" to "yet." Yet has a softer sound, as opposed to the harder B. Unless "coup" isn't pronounced like I thought it was, it is the only line that doesn't rhyme. I'd also change "its" to "a."
Stanza 2: I'd take out "an" in line 2. I'd change "a" to "with," and take out the "when"
Stanza 3: Maybe "which once gave life"? I'd end line 2 with a period. I'd add "as" before "wife"
Stanza 4: your rhyme scheme is half-rhymes. You have 2 pairs of rhymes, which half-rhyme with each other. That muddles things a bit. I'd change "as" to "like."
Stanza 5: end line 2 with a period. take out "a" in the last line.
Stanza 6: change "the" to "this." I feel like "become" has too many syllables.
I like that you're using your gift to bring God glory.
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...one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love....I love...I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. -Mr. Darcy
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The only thing holding us back in life is our desire to stay where we are and not venture further.
~Some random person on the Internet :P