There are things that tell me I'm living the most beautiful life
Things like dark roast coffee
on rainy week day mornings.
Things like silk blouses
and the blushing paws of my cat after I kiss him with a tint on my lips.
Things that shouldn't matter.
A closet full of knit cardigans with unusual buttons.
My quirky smile.
The way you look everyday.
Paintbrushes.
Diamond earrings and biscuits with jam.
Dog-eared paperbacks that smell like mothballs.
Anticipations over nothing.
Anticipations over everything.
Over seeing a boy in the hallway
and undressing him with the fingers that branch from my eyelashes.
Things like boys chasing after me.
Things like my bright green eyes after a nap.
Things like emotions that most people don't feel so deeply
things like crushing ice with my teeth whilst conversation stimulates brain cells.
Things like family debates
and warm hugs and loud laughs.
The transition of autumn to winter
Of winter to spring.
And while I carry these mementos with me
between my hot palms or in a zipped pocket in my black purse,
somewhere in between I forget that things can be beautiful like this
The thoughtlessness of the miserable side consumes me,
it tangles me up inside its web
and I begin a rant about the hungry children with flies eating them alive
or the conventional manifestation of the creatives
or the decay of my friendships
and the loneliness that I drink out of glasses like water.
There are things that keep me going.
I just have to remember them.