You would come to pick me up,
taking your big black truck, as if
it was a vessel used to achieve greatness,
like a rocket to the moon.
All you had to do
was be there and I would too,
feeling complete, whole,
the center of the universe a reachable place,
feeling in your hugs your soft leather coat.
I would lie in the warmth,
and feel your powerful rays blast through my skin,
leaving my heart tanned and satisfied.
The wind of that last day
swiftly took me up in its storm,
threw my mind and heart about,
and left me with the air knocked out of my lungs.
I was emotionless.
I would lie in the warmth,
but my heart was cold, beating still,
but it may as well stopped too.
That beautiful tan fading faster and faster each day,
Until it was left an orangey, ugly shade.
I carried the silence of your demise with me everywhere,
like the books in my schoolbag,
the necessary things for learning to ensue.
I loved no one.
I tried and tried,
but it would not be done.
I was tied down,
anchored to this disposition I had turned to,
in desperate need for a fallback mindset, in case
I lost the one I had
for roughly 13 years.

Inevitably,
I did.

4 years later and I’m still fighting,
like a warrior who knows they’ve lost ages ago,
but can’t give up their pride.

Now,
I plan to end this tragedy happily,
put down my shield and lower my sword.
I will lie in the warmth,
and let a new incandescence wash over my soul,
the joys of this world and your memory,
ready to let my life take me and the mark you’ve burned upon my skin.