Nothing Can Replace You | Teen Ink

Nothing Can Replace You

December 24, 2009
By Dan101207 BRONZE, Church Rock, New Mexico
Dan101207 BRONZE, Church Rock, New Mexico
4 articles 11 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Double tap. Double tap. Double top. Double tap. Double tap. Root beer. Root beer. I luff zee root beer.
-Major General Edward Richtofen, a mad Nazi scientist from CoD Nazi Zombies.


The moon swings way up so high.
The stars hungs far above the moon in all its brightness.
The sun burns with so much light.
Just float on a fluffly cloud,
not caring a thing about the world.

I ride upon the stars of shooting.
I swim in the endless galaxies.
I slide on the rings of saturn.
I walk with the universe in its eternity.
I watch the stars twinkling across a desert of black

I return back to this place because in all the worlds, galaxies, and universe. No other place has what this place does.
What this place holds is my friend.
That friend is not just any ol' friend.
It is my True friend
The name of that friend is

Pica


The author's comments:
It was 3am and i was wishing Pica was here. So i wrote a poem for her. I went with whatever came into my mind.

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This article has 5 comments.


friend-less said...
on Aug. 23 2010 at 12:43 pm
friend-less, Natick, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.

sounds like she is more than a "friend". but i like the poem.

on Jan. 14 2010 at 11:46 am
AbbotRabbit GOLD, Abolana, District Of Columbia
11 articles 0 photos 1029 comments

Favorite Quote:
This poem has great flow and insight.
I really enjoyed it.
Lovely poem darling =]
-Please check out the works that I have posted on here it would be highly appreciated and I think you would greatly enjoy them, Thankk youz-
XxIll tell you Im an orphan after you meet myy familyXx

This poem has great flow and insight.

I really enjoyed it.

Lovely poem darling =]

-Please check out the works that I have posted on here it would be highly appreciated and I think you would greatly enjoy them, Thankk youz-

XxIll tell you Im an orphan after you meet myy familyXx

on Jan. 13 2010 at 5:01 am
ShernayB. DIAMOND, Southfield, Michigan
62 articles 1 photo 881 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Some things will never change"---Tupac

This poem is beautiful. I love the imagery, it is very powerful imagery. I pictured myself in this place as i was reading this. Good job.

If you have time, will you please check my work out. Comment and rate if you wish. Thanks!

t.ebony BRONZE said...
on Jan. 9 2010 at 5:21 pm
t.ebony BRONZE, Williamsport, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Labour without joy is base. Labour without sorrow is base. Joy without labour is base.





-John Ruskin

LostJacket,

In your poem, Nothing Can Replace You, there is a strong use of imagery from the, “sun burns with so much light,” to “stars twinkling across a desert of black.” This is a very unique way of remembering your friend. If you are considering revising your poem you might want to change the wording of the poem, for example, “change stars of shooting” to shooting stars. It just sounds a little awkward the way it is now. You also might want to consider linking one or two lines in the 2nd stanza to give the poem a more natural flow. For example, “ I ride upon (shooting stars),

swim in endless galaxies,

slide on rings of Saturn,

walk . .

and watch . .”

I hope you find my comments helpful and ,of course, it is your poem, feel free to keep it or change it as you like.

-Alice B.

on Jan. 8 2010 at 9:44 am
BlackMoonWhiteSky PLATINUM, Cedar Park, Texas
44 articles 3 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Thus is life, live it, or die trying!

It has dreamlike quality.