Growing up 

with a narcissistic parent 

puts everything and nothing on you all at once.

It makes you

 hate everything 

including yourself

 thinking you can't do anything you want or how you want.

Parents can watch you struggle 

without caring as long as you make

something of yourself 

but they have no regard of you 

Or your mental emotional being 

your whole existence is all for them  

its like 

**** 

your

 feelings 

almost like you 

don't 

matter. 

When you leave that household it sticks 

in your mind 

of how to do anything. 

Even when you leave 

you still are there thinking 

how would they want me to do this 

even though you absolutely hate that 

you think like that 

but you can't help it 

even after EVERYTHING 

you still make your whole existence 

around your parents. It feels  like 

they

 burned

 your personality 

and you have

 no shred

 of you left. 

You were raised 

not knowing what love really is 

or  how to love yourself 

or  how to do anything you love 

Because you feel wrong like it's not right

to like something 

by yourself like you need permission to like what 

you like.